edgar-mitchell

Down and In 85
volition had given me a wife and family, and had taken me into the Navy,
and finally to outer space. Human volition can also bring about the difficulties
we deal with in life. In late 1971, it brought about separation from
Louise and eventual divorce, as this new interest of mine moved toward an
obsession. It brought the agony that accompanies the separation of loved
ones when such difficult choices are made. The shape of an individual life
seems drawn with a capricious pen as the consequences of our choices can
never be fully known.
In the same unpredictable manner, the collective human volition would
likely take humankind throughout the cosmos one day, unless we destroy
ourselves first as a result of being unable to evolve beyond war-mongering.
But to demonstrate, even to myself, that volition is real and not just a
grand illusion, as scientific determinism decrees, this doctrine known as
epiphenomenalism needed to be falsified. Here lay the crucial key to my
bewilderment. It was this cornerstone of scientific thinking that distorted
my own perception. As innocuous as the concept of epiphenomalism may
seem on the surface, it suggests the Newtonian idea that the fate of the
universe is predetermined only by the laws of classical physics, and therefore
entirely predictable. It allows no room for human intentionality. What
this implies is that we humans are not really in control of our lives, but
merely complying with the predetermined course of our fate as dictated
by the immutable laws of physics. Surely, there must be an answer between
a nihilist’s materialism on the one hand, and paternalistic, supernatural
deism on the other.
In the months following our return from the moon I began reading the
mystical literature of both Eastern and Western religions. But I was careful
in choosing my material, preferring esoteric literature, not exoteric
(institutional) viewpoints. It was the “religious” experience, or epiphany,
that occurs outside the influence of the Church and its dogma I was most
interested in. Then one day an idea came to mind, one that would continue
to grow for decades to come. From meager funds I commissioned a
study by a qualified research team to dig up some facts on esoteric practices
in various world cultures, and they came across some interesting discoveries
that seemed to describe the essence of this epiphany. What the
ancients, who wrote in the Sanskrit of India, described as a classic savikalpa
sainadhi was essentially what I believe I experienced. In Eastern thinking,
this phenomenon is a moment in which an individual still recognizes the
separateness of all things, yet understands that the separateness is but an
illusion. An essential unity is the benchmark reality, which is what the
individual suddenly comes to experience and to comprehend.
I recalled so vividly the separateness of the stars and planetary bodies
on the way home from the moon, but simultaneously knew I was an intimate
part of the same process. This is the most salient recollection of the