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Little eyes, little ears - Agence de la sante publique du Canada

Little eyes, little ears - Agence de la sante publique du Canada

Little eyes, little ears - Agence de la sante publique du Canada

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how violence against a mother shapes children as they growExamples of What TeenagersMay Think or Feelsadnessconfusionconcernfrustrationiso<strong>la</strong>tionguiltfearanxietyembarrassmentresignationvengefulworthlessnesshelplessnessresponsibilityangerworrypanicwhy is this happening again?why doesn't Mom just kick him out?Mom is going to get really hurt one dayI have problems too, but no oneseems to careI can't talk to anyone about thisI could have done something toprevent thishe might turn on me next or hurt meis this what my future re<strong>la</strong>tionshipswill be like?other families don't do this / theneighbours will hearthis is never going to stopI wish he would die or get hit by a busif they really cared about me, theywould stop thisthere is nothing I can do to helpmy momI have to protect my younger siblingsfrom this situationwhy does Mom let him treat her(and me) so badly?I don't want to move so I hope Momputs up with ithow will we afford to eat if Momleaves him?What children may be doingHiding, praying, wrapping pillows around their <strong>ears</strong>,humming, clutching teddies, hugging pets, wearingheadphones and turning up the music, concentratingintently on something else, pretending they aresomewhere else. Ol<strong>de</strong>r children may shepherd the youngerones to a safe p<strong>la</strong>ce and try to keep them calm. Someteenagers intervene in the “fight,” p<strong>la</strong>ying thepeacemaker, the referee, the rescuer, or the protector.Thoughts and feelings goon after the “fight” stopsNext morning, next week, next month - one thoughtremains: will it happen again? Being keen observers,<strong>little</strong> <strong>eyes</strong> watch for anything they believe (rightly orwrongly) to be triggers. Seeing beer or liquor bottlesmay unleash a flood of emotions. A<strong>du</strong>lts know that alcoholdoes not cause violence but in some homes, alcohol andviolence seem to young <strong>eyes</strong> to go hand-in-hand. <strong>Little</strong><strong>ears</strong> listen for raised voices or swearing and bad names.When violence has long been a feature of family life,children are hyper-sensitive to the cues and know when itis time to gather the younger kids and get out, or time tobe sad and afraid because it's the only thing they can do.Caroline McGee (2000). ChildhoodExperiences of Domestic Violence.London UK: Jessica Kingsley Publishers.9

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