Little eyes, little ears - Agence de la sante publique du Canada

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$FICHE D'INFORMATION\ Mettre fin Ã la violence faite aux femmes$

little eyes,little earsPre-schoolers 3, 818For this age group, what theyexperience is more real thananything you tell themA child aged three to five years who sees violenceand other loud conflict may:• worry about being hurt and may have nightmaresabout being hurt• believe they caused the “fight” bysomething they did• hope that a TV character or super hero willcome and save themtry and stop the “fight” by, for example, yelling• “tune out” the noise by focussing on somethingelse like toys or television• be distressed when Mommy is upset but feelbetter when she seems okay again• be confused if Daddy is gone and worry thatMommy may leave tooBecause of their egocentric nature, they might blamethemselves for bad events such as when their parents“fight.” Pre-schoolers are easily upset by changes to dailyroutines and separation from cherished items such asblankets or pets. It helps to maintain or re-establishcomforting routines such as bedtime schedules. Thepresent is more important to pre-schoolers than the past.Children of this age need to hear thatwhat happened was not their fault, theyare still loved, and that importantfeatures of daily life will go on even iftheir families have changed or moved.-How might violence at homeshape normal development? 3, 8KEY ASPECTSOF DEVELOPMENTLearn how to expressangry feelings and otheremotions in appropriate waysExperiences and observationsmost salient in formingmeaning in their worldOutcome ismore salientthan the processThink in egocentric waysForm ideas about genderroles based on socialmessagesIncrease physicalindependence(e.g., dressing self)POTENTIAL IMPACTOF DOMESTIC VIOLENCElearn unhealthy ways toexpress anger andaggressionconfused by conflictingmessages (e.g., what Isee vs. what I am told)may be distressed byperceived unfairness,father's arrest and/ortrip to sheltermay attribute violenceto something they didlearn gender rolesassociated with violenceand victimizationinstability may inhibitindependence; may seeregressive behavioursFind a two-page handout for mothers ofpre-schoolers on page 52 of Helping ChildrenThrive / Supporting Woman Abuse Survivors asMothers (2004). [www.lfcc.on.ca]
how violence against a mother shapes children as they growWhat features of woman abusemight be most distressingfor this age group?• seeing Mommy upset, crying and maybe bleedingor with a bruiseseeing (and hearing) Daddy angry and yelling• sounds and sights of first responders when theysecure the scene and assist on a call to the homechaotic change and unpredictabilityfear they might be injured• disruption in their routines if they leave a familiarhome (e.g., to go into shelter) or if a father is nolonger in the homeWhat lessons doesspanking teach children?Spanking is not a good discipline strategy for any child.For children who lived with woman abuse, spanking isespecially bad. The unspoken messages of spanking arethe same as some male rationalizations for violenceagainst intimate partners:a big person is more powerful than a little person• some types of people have the right tohit other types of peoplea person who says they love you can hurt youbeing angry is a good excuse to hit someonepeople who get hit are the ones to blame• people who do the hitting alwayshave a good reason• apologizingfor “losing control” makeswhat happened acceptableChild Welfare League of Canada (2002).Discipline Without Hurting: Information forParents of Young Children. [www.cwlc.ca]Heidi Kiefer & Nancy Cohen with Bonnie Pape (2004).Handle With Care: Strategies for Promotingthe Mental Health of Young Childrenin Community-Based Child Care.Toronto ON: Canadian Mental Health Association& Hincks-Dellcrest Centre. [www.cmha.ca]Barbara Preston (2000). A Booklet for ServiceProviders Who Work With Immigrant Families:On Issues Relating to Child Discipline,Child Abuse and Child Neglect.Ottawa ON: Health Canada.[www.phac-aspc.gc.ca/nc-cn]19
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Page 44: References cited1. Linda Baker & Ly

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