Little eyes, little ears - Agence de la sante publique du Canada

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$FICHE D'INFORMATION\ Mettre fin Ã la violence faite aux femmes$

little eyes,little earsWoman abuse and children 2Abuse threatens a child's senseof his or her familyas safe and nurturingWhen a man is abusive to a child's mother, it's more thanbad role modelling. It's bad parenting. He may maltreat thechildren directly 23 and they are at risk of injury duringviolent incidents. Women living with abusive partners faceenormous challenges in being the best mothers they canbe. Children may be isolated from potential sources ofsupport and can learn to see the world as scary and unsafe.• talking inappropriately to children about theirmother's behaviour• prolonged court proceedings about custody andaccess, especially when the abuser has previouslyshown little interest in the children• holding the children hostage or abducting themHow children are “exposed”to woman abuseseeing a mother assaulted or demeanedhearing loud conflict and violenceseeing the aftermath (e.g., injuries)learning about what happened to a motherbeing used by an abusive parent as part of the abuse• seeing a father abuse his new partner when theyvisit him on weekends• being denied what is owed them for child supportHow children might be “used”by an abusive parent• suggesting a child's misbehaviour is the reasonthe parent must be abusiveencouraging the children to abuse their mother• threatening violence against the children and/or petsEach child is unique. Even children in the samefamily are affected in different ways, dependingupon factors such as age, gender, relationship tothe abuser, and role in the family.Children are not “witnesses” toevents in their homesIn the research literature, children are often called“witnesses” to domestic violence. This term implies apassive role - but children living with conflict and abusewill actively interpret, predict, assess their roles in causinga “fight,” worry about the consequences, engage inproblem solving, and/or take measures to protectthemselves or siblings, both physically and emotionally.During violent incidentsChildren may referee, try to rescue their mother, try todeflect the abuser's attention onto them, try to distract theabuser, take care of younger siblings, or seek outside help(e.g., calling the police, running to a neighbour's house).6
how violence against a mother shapes children as they growWhat children may think and feelAs we discuss on page 8, they may feel fear, distress,anxiety, self-blame, guilt, anger, grief, confusion, worry,embarrassment, and hope for rescue. To quell theseintense emotions, they may use coping strategies such asthose listed on pages 24 and 25.Children who do not blame themselves for theabuse and who develop helpful coping strategies(e.g., reaching out for help) may well havethe best outcomes.anger causes violence or drinking causes violencepeople who love you can also hurt you• anger should be suppressed because it canget out of control• unhealthy, unequal relationships are normalor to be expectedmen are in charge and get to control women's lives• women don't have the right to be treated with respectBetween incidentsChildren may try to predict the next incident or believe thatchanging their behaviour might prevent another eruptionof violence.Elena Cohen & Barbara Walthall (2003).Silent Realities: Supporting Young Childrenand their Families who Experience Violence.Washington, DC: National Child WelfareResource Center for Family-centered Practice.Unhealthy lessons children may learnfrom violence against their mothersviolence and threats get you what you want• a person has two choices - to be the aggressoror be the victimvictims are to blame for violencewhen people hurt others, they do not get in trouble• women are weak, helpless, incompetent,stupid, or violent7
Page 1: little eyes,little earslittle eyes
Page 4 and 5: little eyes,little earsGlossary of
Page 6: little eyes,little earsFacts & figu
Page 11 and 12: how violence against a mother shape
Page 20 and 21: little eyes,little earsPre-schooler
Page 22 and 23: little eyes,little earsSchool-aged
Page 24 and 25: little eyes,little earsTeenagers 3,
Page 26 and 27: little eyes,little earsCoping and s
Page 28 and 29: little eyes,little earsRoles childr
Page 30 and 31: little eyes,little earsServicesA ra
Page 32 and 33: little eyes,little earsHow to helpO
Page 34 and 35: little eyes,little earsThe need for
Page 36 and 37: little eyes,little earsResponding t
Page 38 and 39: little eyes,little earsBarriers toc
Page 40 and 41: little eyes,little earsTaking careo
Page 42 and 43: little eyes,little earsWhere to get
Page 44: References cited1. Linda Baker & Ly

Little eyes, little ears - Agence de la sante publique du Canada

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