Little eyes, little ears - Agence de la sante publique du Canada

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$FICHE D'INFORMATION\ Mettre fin Ã la violence faite aux femmes$

little eyes,little earsTeenagers 3, 8Now physically larger,teens may intervene in incidentsand even risk injuryAdolescence is a challenging stage for both parents andyouth, with its dramatic physical and mood changes.Young people are drawn closer to their peer group andhow they are perceived by others is immensely important.While gaining more autonomy, they still need guidanceand supervision. At this age, young people who live withwoman abuse may feel:• embarrassment / strong need for privacy / need toproject an image of their family as “normal”• responsibility for taking care of younger siblings andperhaps their motheranger at either or both parentsconcern for the well-being of their mothervengeful toward the abuser, or relief if he is gone• worry their mother may take him back or start datingsomeone equally abusiveto reach out for help, by talking or chatting with otherswho have similar experiences or by using a confidentialtelephone help line like Kids Help Phone.Kids Help Phone: 1-800-668-6868[www.kidshelpphone.ca]Toll free across Canada,24/7 in English and French.-We still have a lot to learn about how boys and girls areaffected differently but suspect that gender plays a majorrole in how teenagers understand and react to violenceagainst their mothers.Some will be injured or arrested for assault by interveningin “fights” between adults.Teenagers can access a wider range of coping strategiesthan younger children (see page 24). Some techniques areeffective at solving the immediate problem, like runningaway or using drugs to numb the emotional pain, but thisrelief comes at a cost if it leads to problems at school or inother contexts. At the same time, teenagers are better ableThe Family Violence Youth Site (Department ofJustice) has a resource area designed forteenagers: [www.familyviolencehurts.gc.ca]Other web sites you can recommend to teenagers are:[www.burstingthebubble.com] (Australia)[www.notyourfault.org] (Wales)[www.thehideout.org.uk] (England and Wales)You may meet teenagers who are victims of childabuse, witnesses to domestic violence, perpetratorsof abuse in the home, or who are in abusive datingrelationships. Some are all four.22
how violence against a mother shapes children as they growHow might violence at home shape normal development? 3, 8KEY ASPECTS OF DEVELOPMENTIncreased sense ofself and autonomyfrom familyPhysical changes broughton by pubertyIncreased peer groupinfluence and desirefor acceptanceSelf worth more strongly linkedto view of physical attractivenessDating raises issues ofsexuality, intimacy,relationship skillsIncreased capacity for abstractreasoning and broader world viewIncreased influenceby mediaPOTENTIAL IMPACT OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCEaccelerated responsibility and autonomy, positioning youth incare-taking roles and/or premature independence; family skillsfor respectful communication and negotiation may be poorlydeveloped, so transition to adolescence may be more difficultand result in such challenges as parent-child conflict, earlyhome leaving, school drop-outmay try to stop violence; may use increased size to impose willwith physical intimidation or aggressionpossibly more embarrassed by family resulting in shame,secrecy, insecurity; might use high risk behaviours to impresspeers (e.g., theft, drugs); may increase time away from thehome;may engage in maladaptive defensive (e.g., drugs) andoffensive (e.g., aggression towards abuser) strategies to avoidor cope with violence and its stigmaview of self may be distorted by abuser's degradationof mother and/or child maltreatment; may experience eatingdisorder and use image management activities (e.g., bodypiercing, tattoos)may have difficulty establishing healthy relationships;may fear being abused or being abusive in intimaterelationships, especially when conflict arises; may avoidintimacy or prematurely seek intimacy and child bearing toescape and create own support system“all or nothing” interpretations of experiences may be learnedand compete with greater capacity to see “shades of grey” (e.g.,everyone is a victim or a perpetrator); this style of processinginformation may be intensified by experiences of childmaltreatment; may be predisposed towards attitudes andvalues associated with violence and/or victimizationpossibly more influenced by negative media messagesre: violent behaviour, gender role stereotypesFind a two-page handout for mothers of teenagers on page 56 of Helping Children Thrive / SupportingWoman Abuse Survivors as Mothers (2004). Also there is guidance for when a child is abusive to other familymembers and for knowing when a child needs more help than most mothers can provide. [www.lfcc.on.ca]23
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Page 44: References cited1. Linda Baker & Ly

Little eyes, little ears - Agence de la sante publique du Canada

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