Little eyes, little ears - Agence de la sante publique du Canada

how violence against a mother shapes children as they growWatching a mother abused by her partner over time,children and teenagers may come to see her asvulnerable, emotionally unavailable to them, not aperson with legitimate parental authority, or assomeone who cannot protect them. 16 They may becomeher protector, her confidant, or her caretaker.5. woman's capacity to manageis thwarted or overwhelmed• depression,anxiety, poor sleeping, etc. compromiseher capacity to care for children and provide fortheir daily needs• if• may• reactivedenied use of birth control, too many childrenare born too close togetherbe denied sufficient money to meet children'sbasic needs for food, etc.rather than pro-active parenting, respondingto crisis not preventing problems6. woman may use survivalstrategies with negative effects• may leave children with inadequate caretakers toget a breakmay avoid being at home (e.g., working double shifts)may use alcohol or drugs to excess• may maltreat children, physically or verbally7. woman's bond tochildren is compromised• children• mothermay be angry at mother for failingto protect them or evict abuserprevented by abuser from comfortingdistressed childone child assumes care-taking role for mother• children anticipating a mother's deportation orleaving may become anxious or may emotionallydisengage to protect themselves fromimpending loss• children may blame mother for absence of fatherfrom the home and other disruptions (e.g., moving,changing schools)8. woman gets trappedin competition forchildren's loyalties• abuser• afterattempts to shape child's view of himselfas good and mother as badseparation, abuser entices children to supporthis bid for custody with promises of great lifeat his house• during• abuseraccess visits, abuser is fun parent whohas no ruleshas more money and can offer morematerial goods and nicer homeWatching a man abuse their mother over time,children and teenagers may see him as frightening orunpredictable. Some will see him as powerful or theonly legitimate parental authority. They may believe hisrationalizations for abuse or accept his excuses, such asalcohol or job stress. Each sibling may have differentopinions of him, depending on their age, gender,emotional closeness to him, whether he abused themdirectly, and the frequency and severity of his violenceagainst their mother.13