Little eyes, little ears - Agence de la sante publique du Canada

little eyes,little earsSchool-aged children 3, 8As children grow throughthe elementary school years ...their understanding of abuse against their mothersgets more sophisticated.A school-aged child may recognize how actions havereasons and consequences and that mothers may be upseteven after a “fight” ends. They probably see “fighting”as caused by stress, family finances, alcohol, or whateverelse their parents argue over. Believing this explanationis easier (emotionally) than seeing a beloved parent assomeone who is mean on purpose. Seeing a “fight,” theyjudge the behaviour by its fairness: who started it, who isbigger, and if any consequence is deserved.Sue Penfold et al. (2005). Helping My Child:A Guide to Supporting Children Exposedto Domestic Violence. Vancouver BC: BritishColumbia's Children's Hospital. [www.bcysth.ca]At this age, children come to identifywith their same-sex parent. They learnwhat it means to be male and femalein our society, but this learning isdistorted when they live with violenceagainst their mother.-How might violence at homeshape normal development? 3, 8KEY ASPECTS OFDEVELOPMENTIncreased emotionalawareness for selfand othersIncreased complexityin thinking about rightand wrong; emphasison fairness and intentAcademic and socialsuccess at school hasprimary impact onself-conceptIncreased influencefrom outside family(e.g., peers, school) andcompetition assumesnew importance withinpeer groupIncreased same-sexidentificationPOTENTIAL IMPACT OFDOMESTIC VIOLENCEmore aware of ownreactions to violence;more aware of impact onothers (e.g., mother'ssafety, father being charged)possibly more susceptibleto rationalizations heard tojustify violence (e.g., alcoholas cause, victim deservesit) or may challengerationalizations not viewedas fair or right; may assess“was the fight fair?”; cansee discrepancies betweenactions and words andconsider intent; justificationsinvolving children may leadto self-blame or guiltlearning may becompromised (e.g., childmay be distracted); maymiss positive statementsor selectively attend tonegatives or evoke negativefeedback.possibly more influenced bymessages that confirmattitudes and behavioursassociated with partnerabuse; may use hostileaggression to compete;increased risk for bullyingand/or being bulliedmay learn gender rolesassociated with partner abuse(e.g., male as perpetrators,female as victims)20