Gryphon 1962 - Adm.monash.edu.au

CO-ED. N.B.G.Now let's face it! T his sto ry is bein g writlenfor one sole pu rpose, ~IONEY. In actual fact th eimmen se sum of FI VE PO UND S, almos t eno ug h toturn on e's sto mach and lak e up writing lovenovels for " Wo men 's Weekl y" . Dep endin g on th erea der's va lue of £ 5 he or she will be a ble to judgeent ire ly th e tr ue va lue of this epic in literature.It starts like th isr- ­O nce upon a li me , as I was mean derin g throughthe decrepit b uilding affec tio nately kn own to us as" O UR CO LLE GE", I j ust happened to gaze upona t ru ly great piece of an. \Vit h an im mense taxingof m} imagin at ion I man aged to decipher a crudelyworded mes.sagc amo ngst the infa nti le scr ibb lesih ercon.Briefly it rea d : "ST O;\:EAGE HOP, FR IDA YTH E SO AND SO. CLCB A T AR T AN D GETTHER E. "After a br ief interval of shoc k th a t such th in gstypical of th e ou tside a ppea ra nce of th e bu ildingactuall y occu rred insid e of it , I recomposed my·self and dec ide d to in vestigate th is in iquitou s setupfurthe r . _ _ . (Some daze Iate r.)As I crept qu ietly through the still ni Aht airtowards " OU R CO LLEGE" I sud den ly beca meaw are of a horrible indescribable, agon iling, earpiercing, sto mach- ru m bling type noise. Upon ap·p roaching th e finely constructe d tin shed whi ch Ipresume to have been the ven ue of th is fo ul even t,I was al most blow n over by a gigantic gush of ai r?emitted from th is d isgu sting tin shed wh en a lilliema n in a big beard ope ne d a big green door andcolla psed in a disgruntled heap on the asphalt .On e q u ick movemen t and J was in !!HORROR! I ! !T he sigh t th at bom barded m y eyes was sheerthe less be des cr ibed that way l l H ORROR!T hree score a nd ten (+ or - 100) bea rd ed ,long ha ired , bloody -eyed , weir dly cla d, unkem p tbodies gesti CUla ting in a fash ion that eve n J co uldnot explain , vio len tly jerkin g th eir bodie s to th isHOR R.OR~ - ind esc r i bable in ter ms of words bu tfor the sa ke of th is ' Pi tyf u[' story, it sh all neverhorr ible, indescriba ble, ago n izing , ea r-piercing ,stomac h-rumb ling typ e noise previou sly d etectedby myse lf some 5 miles down th e street. H ORR OR'T his hor ribl e, indescri bable, ago ruz mg. ear-pie rcing, sto mac h-rum bling type noise (hence forthrefe rred to as H C .'\E PSR T N --- pronouncedH UAE PSRT N) was ap paren tly being emitt ed fromabout six derelicts bla sting on wha t a p peared tobe various p ieces at antiquated plu mbing froma position above a Iit rle ro om wh ich J was lat erin fo rm ed was allegedly the "Fountain of Yout h ".App a ren tly this was a fac t beca use after a comparisonbet ween bodies goi ng in and bodies goi ngout one co uld read ily detect the "renew ed vigo ur"co ntained in these bodies after "sampling th ewaters" of the Fo untain .It was time to com mence my fraternisin g withthe parrici pa n rs in th is sto ne -age o rgy. Whatbe tte r way than 10 coin a phrase o n that beastl ynot ice, " CL UB A TART " and sta rt dan cin g.T hroug h rh e smo ky haze I bumped into some thi ngwith lon g hai r, a bo u t 66 ins. tall and with pointedshoes a nd po lite ly enq uired as to whether " it"would ind u lge wi th me. Favou r gra nted.Almost immed iately th e H lJA EPSRTN commenced, all hell broke loose, a nd I moved in amanner that would eq ua l th e effo rts of anywarrior of any tribe in a ny co un try. The secondsflew lik e hours, th e minutes like cent ur ies and theminute a nd a halfs like a centu ry a nd an hour puttogethe r.Never bein g one to miss o ur o n an opportunit y,t he th ou ght ca me in to my head that I sho uldinvite he r Olll once aga in to further con tinue m y"s tudies" (You rot ton 101, I kn ow what yo u areth inking. Please read to th e end) . In or der 10pursu e this endeavo ur J h ad LO find ou t he r nam e.so, bei ng a master of psyc ho logy a t all times, 1engaged " it " or her 10 be more polite in conversation."Sh e" told me she was a n art stude nt.Finall y t he op portune mo ment a rrived." O h, by the way, \~ ha t is .you.: na me?"- e yn ] . .Incidentall y, I am wr it ing th is fro m the No rt hPole. Fo r those who are int er ested, I am on ao ne-ma n sit- do wn str ike conde m n ing co-ed uca ti onat ALL T ertia r y In stitution s!MORAL OF THIS STOR Y: -vo« can't evenI rus t a po la r bea r.27