Tony Robbins -Re-Awaken_the_Giant_Within

new wife have been married for three years, and while he wouldn’t exactly describe their relationship as
“inflamed with passion,” it’s comfortable—even though lately it seems to be repeating a lot of the same
patterns of his first marriage.
Do you know someone just like Walt? Maybe he’s someone you know intimately— someone who never
suffers the depths of utter devastation or despondency, but also someone who never revels in the heights of
passion and joy. I’ve heard it said that the only difference between a rut and a grave is a few feet, and over
a century ago, Thoreau observed that “the mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.” As we move into
the next century, this phrase is unfortunately more applicable than ever. If there’s one thing I’ve noticed
in the countless letters I’ve received since I wrote Unlimited Power, it’s the overwhelming prevalence of
this kind of disassociation in people’s lives—something that just “happened” out of their desire to avoid
pain—and the hunger with which they seize upon an opportunity to feel more alive, more passionate,
more electric. From my perspective, as I travel around the world, meeting people from all walks of life and
“feeling the pulse” of literally hundreds of thousands of individuals, we all seem to instinctively realize the
risk of emotional “flatline,” and desperately seek ways to get our hearts pumping again.
So many suffer from the delusion that emotions are entirely out of their control, that they’re just
something that spontaneously occurs in reaction to the events of our lives. Often we dread emotions as
if they were viruses that zero in on us and attack when we’re most vulnerable. Sometimes we think of
them as “inferior cousins” to our intellect and discount their validity. Or we assume that emotions arise
in response to what others do or say to us. What’s the common element in all these global beliefs? It’s
the misconception that we have no control over these mysterious things called emotions.
Out of their need to avoid feeling certain emotions, people will often go to great, even ridiculous,
lengths. They’ll turn to drugs, alcohol, overeating, gambling; they’ll lapse into debilitating depression.
In order to avoid “hurting” a loved one (or being hurt by one), they’ll suppress all emotions, end up as
emotional androids, and ultimately destroy all the feelings of connection that got them together in the
first place, thus devastating the ones they love most. I believe there are four basic ways in which people
deal with emotion. Which of these have you used today?
1. Avoidance. We all want to avoid painful emotions. As a result, most people try to avoid any situation
that could lead to the emotions that they fear—or worse, some people try not to feel any emotions at
all! If, for example, they fear rejection, they try to avoid any situation that could lead to rejection. They
shy away from relationships. They don’t apply for challenging jobs. Dealing with emotions in this way is
the ultimate trap, because while avoiding negative situations may protect you in the short term, it keeps
you from feeling the very love, intimacy, and connection that you desire most. And ultimately, you can’t
avoid feeling. A much more powerful approach is to learn to find the hidden, positive meaning in those
things you once thought were negative emotions.
2. Denial. A second approach to dealing with emotion is the denial strategy. People often try to
disassociate from their feelings by saying, “It doesn’t feel that bad.” Meanwhile, they keep stoking the
fire within themselves by thinking about how horrible things are, or how someone has taken advantage
of them, or how they do everything right but things still turn out wrong, and why does this always
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