Tony Robbins -Re-Awaken_the_Giant_Within

direct the formation of our values. I must reiterate that every decision is guided by these values, and in
most cases, we didn’t set them up.
If I asked you to make a list of your top ten values in life, to write them in precise order of importance,
I’d be willing to bet that only one in 10,000 could do it. (And that iota of a percent would have attended
my Date With Destiny seminar!) But if you don’t know the answer to this question, how can you make
any clear decisions at all? How can you make choices that you know in the long term will meet your
deepest emotional needs? It’s hard to hit a target when you don’t know what it is! Knowing your values is
critical to being able to live them.
Anytime you have difficulty making an important decision, you can be sure that it’s the result of
being unclear about your values. What if you were asked to move your family across the country in
connection with a new job? If you knew that there was some risk involved, but that the compensation
would be better and the job would be more interesting, what would you do? How you answer this
question will depend entirely on what’s most important to you: personal growth or security? Adventure
or comfort?
By the way, what determines whether you value adventure more than comfort? Your values came from
a mixed bag of experiences, of lifelong conditioning through punishment and reward. Your parents
congratulated and supported you when you did things that agreed with their values, and when you
clashed with their values, you were punished either physically, verbally, or through the pain of being
ignored. Your teachers, too, encouraged and applauded you when you did things they agreed with, and
applied similar forms of punishment when you violated their most deeply held views. This cycle was
perpetuated by your friends and employers. You modeled the values of your heroes, and maybe some of
your antiheroes as well.
Today, new economic factors come into play. With most families having both parents working outside
the home, there is no traditional role model for values in the home. Schools, churches, and, on the
less appetizing side, TV and the internet have all stepped in to fill the gap. Indeed, TV, computers and
mobile devices are our most convenient babysitter, with the average American child watching three to
four hours of television a day! Am I suggesting that the “traditional” family structure is the only way to
raise children who have strong values? Of course not. What I suggest is that we teach our children our
philosophy of life by being strong role models, by knowing our own values and living by them.
WHAT ARE VALUES?
To value something means to place importance upon it; anything that you hold dear can be called a
“value.” In this chapter, I’m specifically referring to life values, those things that are most important to
you in life. For this kind of value, there are two types: ends and means. If I ask you, “What do you value
most?,” you might answer, “Love, family, money . . .” Of these, love is the end value you’re pursuing; in
other words, the emotional state you desire. Conversely, family and money are merely means values.
In other words, they are simply a way for you to trigger the emotional states you really desire. If I asked
you, “What does family give you?” you might say, “Love, security, happiness.” What you truly value—
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