Car_and_Driver_USA_July_2017
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ull<br />
It’s all around us. But if you can see it <strong>and</strong> smell it,<br />
then you can avoid stepping in it. _by Jared Gall<br />
he <strong>Car</strong> <strong>and</strong> <strong>Driver</strong><br />
uide to Automotive<br />
The mainstream is an easy place to drown in cow<br />
pies. Just look at the news, or a TED Talk. And few<br />
things are more mainstream than cars. There are<br />
more than 240 million light vehicles registered in<br />
America, <strong>and</strong> lately we’ve been buying some<br />
17 million new ones per year. While that churn<br />
provides enthusiasts our very own 24-hour news<br />
cycle of product intel, it also enables a high-flow fire<br />
hose of crap—from marketers, from indifferent<br />
consumers who see the wonder that is a modern car<br />
as a mere commodity, <strong>and</strong> from the media. Media<br />
other than us, of course. What follows is our field<br />
guide to automotive bullshit, because awareness is<br />
the first step in an effective defense. At least, we<br />
hope so. Because if there’s no point to this, it would<br />
just be whining. And that’d be bullshit.<br />
Sports cars without<br />
shredded tires.<br />
Pickups with pristine beds.<br />
The Instagramification<br />
of vanning.<br />
Formula E’s #FanBoost.<br />
Prior to the race <strong>and</strong> during<br />
the first six minutes, whichever<br />
three drivers get the most<br />
tweets get an extra 40 horsepower<br />
for five seconds. If<br />
they’re going to do power-ups,<br />
it should include Mario Kart–<br />
style upgrades for as long as it<br />
takes to chase down <strong>and</strong><br />
destroy the #FanCurse driver.<br />
Imperial measurements.<br />
C’mon, America, let’s join the<br />
Convertibles with their<br />
tops up on nice days.<br />
“Consumer.”<br />
24-hour news cycles.<br />
Roadkill. Some chimpanzees<br />
have learned to look both<br />
ways before crossing busy<br />
streets. Time to up your game,<br />
raccoons.<br />
States without m<strong>and</strong>atory<br />
helmet laws.<br />
Automakers rebr<strong>and</strong>ing<br />
themselves as “mobility<br />
providers.”<br />
Not knowing how to drive a<br />
manual transmission. It’s really<br />
not that hard. And in most<br />
cases, if a manual wouldn’t<br />
improve your experience, you’re<br />
driving the wrong vehicle. Preferring<br />
that a computer control<br />
your shifting is one symptom of<br />
a h<strong>and</strong>icapped ability to love.<br />
Sports-car manufacturers<br />
too chicken-shit to send their<br />
cars to Lightning Lap.<br />
The Irrational Hatred of: Minivans. Moderately sized wheels.<br />
076 . FEATURE . CAR AND DRIVER . JUL/<strong>2017</strong><br />
illustrations by VIN GANAPATHY
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