L&R June Magazine 2017

Communication
“Communication strategies” - Transactional Analysis applied in D/s context
With this article, I would like to present one of the various psychological theories and
methods that can help with enslaving a submissive and growing the M/s bond. It is a
well-known communication theory, called “Transactional Analysis”. As we all know,
communication is a big part of the actions and dynamics between a Dominant and a
submissive. Success and failure of a relationship are correlated with how well the
partners can communicate with each other and understand each other.
Being open with each other and being willing to share is essential to the success of
any human relationship, and in D/s relationships even more so. For the following
paragraphs, i used the website http://www.enslavement.org.uk as a source of
inspiration.
1. The origin of Transactional Analysis
One famous book presenting the communication theory of Transactional Analysis
(=TA) has this title “OK - You”. It was written by Thomas Harris and was published in
1967. The book title describes the goal of successful communication: Both partners
participating in a transactional process / communication, should feel okay in the end
and also see that the other is okay. This is called the “healthy position”. Why is it called
position? When I start to communicate with someone, it should be my standpoint,
focus and goal - and in this sense position - that i want him/her and (!) myself to be
okay in the course and outcome of the transactional process. The ”healthy position”
describes a mindset.
It is not healthy when my partner is okay but i am not okay or the other way round. And
of course, when none of the communication partners feels okay, it is the worst form of
a communication that is a failure - it is called the “hopeless position”. We could also
call it the ”dead end”of a transactional process and it is very hard to find a way out
there during the same conversation.