L&R June Magazine 2017

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“Depending on our past and current experiences and feelings and precognitions of our future, our ego can assume different states.”
Someone who maybe had very overpowering and strict parents during childhood might tend to still go into the child's rebellion when somebody talks to him/her in parent mode such as "you should do this and this" ... "why didn't you ...". This is just one example. These ego states and their mutual influence on one another during transactional processes (communication) can be analysed, and this is what TA is about. Goal of TA is to help individuals reflect themselves better when they communicating or preparing a conversation and to help them achieve the healthy position in communication more often. It should be clear that in order enslave a submissive successfully, the healthy position in communication of Dominant and submissive is ultimately important and should be strived for. Application to D/s Let's think of a Dom and a sub talking to each other. What could be a typical sentence coming out of a "PARENT ego state" of the Dominant, influenced by behaviours, thoughts and feelings copied/learned from his/her parents or parents figures? Examples such as "I did not expect this kind of behaviour of you", "I've trained you better than that", "You don't want to disappoint me, do You?" come to mind. Now, which reaction could follow on the sub's side? It often happens that "parent ego state" provokes a response coming out of "CHILD ego state", which is not surprising. We have all been primed by our past experiences, and the impact of our family socialisation is a huge one. So it might happen that a submissive answers "All the other Dom's let their subs do it", and we are reminded of the rebellion of a teenage child against the father or mother. Among adults, the relation "parental ego state talking to child ego state" normally leads to communication problems and/or miscommunications. This way, the healthy state "I am OK You are OK" seems to be out of reach. Now, how would an ADULT ego state react to "I do not expect that kind of behaviour from you?". One example is: Ask back, ask for info to be able to reflect better. Try to get info to understand the Dom in the right way. Say something that presents ability to self reflect and not let yourself be carried away by childish emotions that may lead to reactions of rebellion or shame. Let me give another example: The Dominant gives an order (parental), and the sub says "But ..... is too difficult for me. I can't do this myself. I need your help." (child). Response coming out parent ego state would be: "Awww of course ... let me help you ..." and then "pamper pamper pamper" and/or "rule rule rule" may follow. An adult ego might try to strengthen the powers of the communication partner who remains in child position, trying to open resources to him/her and help him/her to have trust that he/she will find the right way and offer cooperative (!) support in it ... but not do things instead of the "helpless child".
Page 1: Liberty Issue 10 June 2017 & Restra
Page 4 and 5: In this Issue…. Contents Thrown t
Page 6 and 7: Communication “Communication stra
Page 10: Empower the submissive ... and not
Page 13 and 14: Etiquette The forms required by goo
Page 15 and 16: In the spotlight…
Page 17: Our approach to photography is rela
Page 22: Practice 3: Be active in our real l
Page 25 and 26: The man ponders - his mind not regi
Page 28 and 29: D/shion by A.Sands Our Introduction
Page 30 and 31: stand or be ready to suffer once th
Page 32 and 33: D/s Fashion
Page 34 and 35: let break it down so that we can un
Page 36 and 37: I do not seek to convey any particu
Page 38 and 39: Kinky Kitchen
Page 40 and 41: Evolution of D/s in SL over the yea
Page 42: Lightly salt and pepper the chicken
Page 45 and 46: Dear Readers, This month sees a bra
Page 47 and 48: Shivers down my spine…
Page 49: I can barely breathe....his solid p
Page 53: For those that forever remain withi
Page 56 and 57: Lyrical Passions….
Page 61 and 62:
Our New look VIP section. This sect
Page 63 and 64:
http://maps.secondlife.com/secondli
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Flickr: http://www.flickr.com/photo
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Useful Links like the web? Follow t
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Gallery Editor’s Picks Nothing is
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Produced by Flame Jie, Editor in Ch
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L&R June Magazine 2017