Mindful June 2017
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insight<br />
Suffering is not being able to connect with<br />
our children. It’s our anxiety about what will<br />
happen at work tomorrow. Suffering is knowing<br />
your roof will leak in the next rainstorm.<br />
It’s finally buying that shiny new smartphone,<br />
then seeing an advertisement for an even<br />
newer device with incremental improvements.<br />
Hoping your company will get rid of your<br />
grumpy boss who still has a year to go before<br />
his retirement. Thinking that life is moving by<br />
too fast or too slow. Not getting what you want,<br />
getting what you don’t want, or getting what<br />
you want but fearing you will lose it—all of this<br />
is suffering. Sickness is suffering, old age is suffering,<br />
and so is dying.<br />
We think we need the conditions of our lives<br />
to reliably give us what we want. We want to<br />
construct an ideal future or nostalgically relive<br />
a perfect past. We mistakenly believe this will<br />
make us happy. But we all can see that even<br />
those people who realize extraordinary conditions<br />
in life still suffer. Even if we are rich,<br />
beautiful, smart, in perfect health, and blessed<br />
with wonderful families and friendships, in<br />
time these will break down, be destroyed, and<br />
change...or we will simply lose interest. On some<br />
level, we know this is the case, yet we can’t seem<br />
to stop grasping for those “perfect” conditions.<br />
Opening to pain in the present moment, we<br />
may be able to do something to improve the<br />
situation. Or maybe not. But we can certainly<br />
notice how our attitudes toward the experience<br />
are impacting what is happening. My reaction to<br />
pain, even to the thought of pain, changes<br />
everything. It can increase or decrease my suffering.<br />
I have always liked the formula:<br />
Pain + Resistance = Suffering<br />
If we attempt to push away our pain,<br />
whether it is physical or emotional, we almost<br />
always find ourselves suffering even more.<br />
When we open to suffering, inquiring into it<br />
instead of trying to deny it, we see how we<br />
might make use of it in our lives.<br />
Even in the Deepest Tragedy<br />
Years ago, Janet was enjoying a backyard BBQ<br />
with her husband, their good friend Albert, and<br />
their families. Looking around, she couldn’t<br />
see her three-and-a-half-year-old son, Jack, or<br />
Albert’s son, Daniel, in the yard. Concerned, she<br />
said that she was going to check on the boys. But<br />
her husband and Albert called her back, saying,