Viva Lewes Issue #140 May 2018

COLUMN
Chloë King
Lewes capsule wardrobe
Guernsey Sweater
Not to be confused with that other Lewes
favourite, the Breton shirt. More Guernseys can
be found in our fair town than there are virtue
signals in Brighton and Hove. To some they’re just
jolly knitwear, en masse they are a force to buy a
programme off.
Sensible Walking Shoes
As summer approaches, so do the knee-length
sock brigade. Sensible shoes are a must because
Lewes has too many hills, hence why our MP
prefers an exercise bike.
The Bum-Cover
A signature Lewes Look since the 1980s: Capriccio
can be mined for floaty patterned numbers and
long-length cardigans. Mum once told me that Capriccio,
The Gourmet and Full of Beans proved our
town’s bohemian calibre. This seemed insignificant
until I found myself raising a jaded eyebrow at a
YouTube video of Charlotte’s Cupboard.
Twirlers
String tied just below the knee in readiness for a
sweaty round of Dwyle Flunking. Twirlers are said
to stop rats from ascending one’s trouser leg, or so
I was told as I prepared to demonstrate the sport
for an episode of Al Murray’s gameshow Compete
for the Meat. I confirm no creature has ascended
my trouser leg while wearing them.
Nordic Statement
Lewes lurves Scandi style. To get the look pop
to The Laurels for a splash of Marimekko and
to Wickle for a quirky pair of short shorts and a
hygge candle. As one ascends the style echelons it’s
good to acquire a Freight sweater, a hyper-local
forever item from Sideline and a felt hat. Best
wear your giant ram horns with a spritz
of Nancy Meiland and a slick of AS:AP
Beauty Balm.
Fluorescent Paint
Not so much since Santon, still some
at Scout Hut.
Cosplay
When a huge percentage of your town regularly
takes part in large-scale ritualised cosplay events,
it’s harder to impress in the Lewes Arms Pantomime
Animal race. This year I was told I may be
disqualified for bringing the octopus suit out a
third time. Must. Try. Harder.
Charity Chic
Lewes already has a fine array of charity shops and
the hotly anticipated Death of the High Street can
only mean more!
Southern Fail Commuter Chops
A geometric jowl, a chiselled brow and the glare
from your mobile device are de rigueur in all regions
serviced by Southern. Console yourself with
the fact that in a Sunday Times: Best Place to Live
your London salary is better at servicing your family’s
needs than the job you want. Plus, artists and
makers need your custom, so get on that bleeding
train (if it turns up).
Beards
My husband shaved his off this month and it
took our daughter four hours to recover from the
shock.
Illustration by Chloë King
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