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my upcoming wedding, I was disconcerted. This news came<br />

with an uneasy feeling for me because I felt like this family<br />

decision to allow us to formalize our relationship had been made<br />

under duress. I felt it was not made from love or good intentions<br />

but out of anger. A sense of gloom hung over me because I felt<br />

we had been rejected and nothing good was bound to come out<br />

of such a union. The hypocrisy of it all was crushing.<br />

Then, there was another glitch – the trip to Rwanda. How on<br />

earth was I going back to Kigali after being hunted down like a<br />

dangerous enemy of the state? Word had gone around that I was<br />

a “wrong element” wanted by the police. My tormentors had<br />

painted me in very negative light and I did not know if anyone<br />

would want to associate with me when I got back home. Who<br />

wants to be around a criminal? No one! And to imagine that the<br />

felony was love was incredulous! Hated for loving. It was<br />

unbelievable. My family was puzzled. They had learnt about<br />

what was happening and they could have none of it. They did<br />

not understand why I would want to be with a guy whose family<br />

had security forces hunting for me. My perplexed friends, whom<br />

I had gone to school with, were equally worried about me. They<br />

said in going ahead with my decision, I was burying myself alive.<br />

What a declaration. Nonetheless, although these possibilities<br />

frightened me, I had already gone too far to jump out.<br />

I knew that boarding that plane from France to Rwanda was<br />

going to be the biggest sacrifice of my life, because I was also<br />

not sure what awaited me. Had I not conceived, maybe I would<br />

have walked away from it all. However, at that time, the game<br />

plan had changed. Go I had to and go I went. My only hope and<br />

security was the child I carried. Patrick’s family did not mind the<br />

baby. I knew they had accepted the child and wanted to keep it.<br />

However, I also knew that they didn’t want me as much.<br />

Nevertheless, I accepted to go back to Rwanda for our wedding.<br />

Our plan was to travel, get married and then return to France<br />

and complete school. However, God had other plans<br />

17

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