REFINED BY FIRE 2

was where they found her. They cut her legs off and left her to
bleed to death. Her corpse was eaten by the dogs and, on our
return, we only found her bones. Those are the close relatives
who died terrible deaths. I lost very many other cousins whose
deaths I cannot even recount. Books have been written about
the Rwanda genocide and movies have been made out of it.
However, no one will ever really know how deeply real people,
with real feelings were affected by it. Unless you went through
it, you can never truly appreciate how terrorized, defiled and
violated we feel. To date, post-genocide Rwandans have severe
post-traumatic stress disorders. You can imagine, therefore,
how I almost went crazy when the anger and bitterness of those
we fled with could not accept me. I paid the price of being
married to a Hutu. None of my Tutsi relatives could even
mention my name. They referred to me as ‘the wife of the
murderer.’ It was not easy.
Some of my brothers and sisters sadistically drove me out the
house we were all staying in. I told them I would go, but I would
not leave my child. I asked them to imagine how difficult it was
for me. How my in-laws reject my Justine only for them to not
accept her either? They were forcing me to separate from my
husband, but I had to let them know that he was not responsible
for what had happened. I had to stand in the gap and be strong.
However, it was a very challenging gap to stand in. Before the
genocide, I had to deal with Patrick’s family, and after the
genocide I had to deal with mine, who felt Patrick’s ethnic group
had led us to where we were. It was not easy, but by God’s grace
I got through it. I feel better already now that I have recounted
it in my book. It is good to talk about the trauma because it
releases the victim. There are many people who are not talking
about their experiences, and when they pile up, they are
destructive. This is why I want many people to be released
through my story. I believe whoever will read it will be touched.
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