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PREFACE When I think about my roots, I come to terms with the complexity of human relationships. Before the Belgians colonized Rwanda, it was a monarchy that had been ruled by the minority Tutsi ethnic group for many years. Two new countries emerged in 1962 — Rwanda, dominated by the Hutus, and Burundi by the Tutsis — and the ethnic fighting flared on and off in the following decades. The majority Hutus in Rwanda overthrew the Tutsi monarchy and tens of thousands of Tutsis fled to neighboring countries, including Uganda, DR Congo and Tanzania. Fighting continued until a 1993 peace deal was signed. Unfortunately, it exploded into the genocide against the Tutsis in 1994. During the approximate 100-day period from April 7 to mid-July 1994, an estimated 500,000 –1,000,000 Rwandans were killed, constituting as much as 70% of the Tutsi and 20% of Rwanda’s total population When I began dealing with ethnicity, I was caught in a whirlpool of conflict borne out of divisions among my fellow country people, with whom we spoke the same language. Having grown up among people who lived in harmony, shared the little they had, donated cows to each other and freely inter-married, I was now like a child waking up from the worst nightmare. During that time, I asked my parents why they had not told us about these deep-seated divisions, to which they said they did not want us to know about the differences at such an early stage. They obviously wanted to protect us from what they themselves had experienced while growing up. They had been forced to leave their land to start new lives as internally displaced people in uninhabited forests. After hearing their account, I understood why they had shielded us from the truth. It was for our own good after all, because had they told us about it, I know I would have grown up with hatred in my heart. Being aware of those problems during my childhood would have shaped my life differently. vii
As I matured, I finally came to understand that when one does not know the extent of a problem, they tend to underestimate it; only to suffer the consequences later, all the while hoping the situation will change. With time, they get familiar with it and even personalize it. When they realize they cannot do anything about it, they leave it to time and chance, waiting to see what the future will bring. They eventually learn to live with the problem and even become a part of it. My parents’ testimony, however, helped me to fully understand the background of the ethnic differences in Rwanda and the problems they had caused. I was also equipped to face the problems that were otherwise new to me. For quite some time, I had been wondering why the problem was as serious as it was, but my parents’ testimony helped me understand it. At the time I discovered the differences, I was abroad, living with a relative who had fled the country. It was then that I realized I did not know how and why he had fled. I had just accepted what I had been told as part of our country’s history but hadn’t taken time to understand and analyze the details. I naively thought the past was never going to repeat itself. I somehow thought the people had learnt from what had happened in the past and, better still, were now educated enough not to do anything so hateful. Little did I know that what I was yet to experience would have severe effects that would stay with me for the rest of my life. Imagine yourself fighting in the dark with no hope of being rescued. When you stay too long in the dark, you become accustomed to it and before long you master it enough to fight even better than those who cast you there. This is because you have known every corner of your dark surrounding. I stayed so long in the ‘dark’ that my heart could not relate to anything other than self-defense. Discovering my identity in God was the explanation I was seeking, and the answer to my problems. I found peace when I understood that God created human beings in His image and breathed His breath into us. Only then viii
Page 2 and 3: i
Page 4 and 5: Unless otherwise stated, the script
Page 6 and 7: To the Lord God Almighty, without w
Page 10 and 11: was I able to know the true value o
Page 12 and 13: forgiveness of my sin. I thank God
Page 14 and 15: I started school, but because my fa
Page 16 and 17: ight there and there was no wasting
Page 18 and 19: and social support during this time
Page 20 and 21: It is unfortunate that some people
Page 22 and 23: us. Now, here I was putting the liv
Page 24 and 25: of trust, people will look at you f
Page 26 and 27: accomplish anything. Hiding was lik
Page 28 and 29: happening, this verse and many othe
Page 30 and 31: THE SADDEST DAY OF MY LIFE In accor
Page 32 and 33: When I landed in Kigali, my fears s
Page 34 and 35: If there was anything Patrick longe
Page 36 and 37: of my father in-law’s despicable
Page 38 and 39: We were stuck. We were not going an
Page 40 and 41: abominable thing and married from t
Page 42 and 43: surrounded by my family and my husb
Page 44 and 45: place we called home, with no runni
Page 46 and 47: eturned to pick Justine and I befor
Page 48 and 49: were poor and hopeless and for one
Page 50 and 51: starved and stayed in those oppress
Page 52 and 53: the moment when being dead definite
Page 54 and 55: Uganda because the social system in
Page 56 and 57: elatives. Many of these people were
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THE AFTERMATH I was formerly a Cath
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I neither had the papers no the exp
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to take charge of my life and move
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knew about it and warned Patrick. H
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UNSHACKLED In 1997, three years aft
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foundation that is not based on the
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God’s voice and understand His wi
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When we realize that only God can f
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my thoughts than your thoughts,”
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Bible says we did not choose Him, b
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of the weight that Jesus had to bea
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towards me, and that He had saved m
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PEACE OF MIND AND THE BUMPY ROAD TO
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Romans 8:6-7 says, “The mind of a
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and that he was the only enemy I ha
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had also been broken a million time
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seen, I decided to surrender to God
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peace. It is indeed something that
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Forgiveness helps us focus on this
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