June-July-August 2019 issue small

Casey’s Rebuttal to Clancy (May Issue)
by Ross Coulter
Hi! I’m Casey, Clancy the “Huphalump’s” roommate.
I am a tabby with few flaws. I have a small tan
birthmark to one side of my nose and one pink pad
on one of my paws. Other than that, I have typical
tabby black and tan colouring with white fur from
my chin and extending to my chest and tummy. I
have velvety smooth fur sides and back laid out in a
predominantly symmetrical pattern. Clancy may
think he’s more good looking with his tuxedo suit,
but he always looks disheveled despite his morning
brush. I’m younger than him by two years and much,
much slimmer - one might even say svelte. Clancy is
just plain fat. It’s no secret how he got that way.
Whether breakfast, lunch or dinner, I never finish my
whole dish of food at once and when I go back to
lick up the leftovers, Clancy has beaten me to it.
There’s no question he is food driven!
We get along reasonably well by mostly ignoring
each other, but on occasion, we snuggle together in
front of the fireplace. Sometimes I have to nudge
Clancy out of the way to make room for myself; with
his size, he takes up most of it. There is no question
as to who is the alpha in our relationship, I am. Clancy
is a bit of a wuss, so soft, so gentle, and he sleeps
most of the time except at meal times. There are moments
though when his jealousy shows, and it hurts.
When we are quiet by the fire, he will start grooming
me, licking my head, then my neck. Clancy has very
long fangs and he will give me little nips and then
really sink them in. Of course I screech loud and
clear like any cat would and my master jumps in immediately,
threatening with the newspaper he’s reading
and we separate with a scolding. He makes sure
we each go in different directions, otherwise we
would be chasing each other.
I really love my Master and Mistress. Here I agree
with Clancy, they’re really staff that tends to all our
needs. One of my needs is almost constant attention,
the source of one of Clancy’s complaints. When the
man goes out, I sit on the door mat and wait for his
return, and when he does, I rub my face all over his
legs and reach up with my paw. Once he takes off
his shoes, I give a couple of little yelps (I don’t meow
like Clancy or other cats) and he picks me up for
a cuddle and calls me his little puppy. I guess that’s
because I follow him all over the house, upstairs,
downstairs, everywhere, just waiting for him to sit
somewhere so I can jump in his lap to feel the
warmth of his hands as he pets me. No doubt I have
him wrapped around both front paws. Proof of that
comes at the noon and evening meal times. While
Clancy’s stomach food alarm goes off at the appointed
times with his meek meows,
I’m resting or sleeping in one of
my favourite chairs in the basement
rec room. With food dishes
set out and Clancy chowing down,
the man comes to tell me it’s meal time. I
wait, give him a couple cute yelps and he then
picks me up and carries me upstairs, cuddling me
and telling me I’m his cute little brat cat. (That’s
probably where Clancy picked up his reference to
me as “Brat”). I show him how much I love him by
licking his hands all the way to my food dish.
The other staff member in the household, the lady,
has her role to play, too. Every night before bedtime,
she gives both Clancy and me a few flavoured treats.
She is strict about it though - she makes us sit and
reach out with our paw before she gives them to us.
In the morning, she likes to play “kibble toss” by
throwing kibble around for us to chase. She throws
them in different directions for each of us so we
don’t wind up fighting for the same piece. Then she
hides some underneath several of the cat toys laying
around and expects us to find them. We do! She is
also the head nurse, looking after any little thing that
might ail us. I remember when Clancy had a bowel
problem and had to see the Vet. What a mess he was
and what a stink, but the nurse looked after him pretty
good. Once I had a sore around my mouth and the
Vet prescribed some pills to cure the infection. They
were horrible tasting and the lady tried to hide them
in a pill pocket. I fooled her though. I worked the pill
out, spit it on the floor and ate the pill pocket. It tasted
great, but she soon found a different way of getting
the medicine into me.
As you can read, Clancy is not unfounded in his
criticisms. I am the ALPHA cat, I am cute, I am
much slimmer than he is and I demand and receive
more attention than he does. After 12 years together
we do seem to get along for the most part. So be it!
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T S - J/J/A 2019