NG2 December/January 2020

It’s Christmas time. . .
Hey, Christmas is here! Line up the Bing Crosby
albums on the gramophone and stick a copy of
It’s A Wonderful Life in the VHS player. Let’s
just be really clear before we get stuck in, this is not
going to be an article where I wax lyrical pining for the
good old days when Christmas was much better than
it is nowadays. Quite the opposite in fact, Christmas
today is great albeit a bit different to when I was a lad.
And just so we all remain friends Christmas in my
house doesn’t start until Bing Crosby goes on the Spotify
playlist and It’s A Wonderful Life gets a dusted off DVD
case (yes, I still own DVD’s). So what’s changed then?
Obviously the advent of being married with children
means that I get to have new traditions. Some of these
are shaped by my own upbringing, others by my wife’s,
and the rest we’ve made up ourselves with the kids.
When I was a lad we had a very clear structure to the
day. We’d wake up to stockings from Santa which would
be opened before the sun rose. Once we’d all eaten our
chocolate oranges we’d head downstairs for breakfast
and with that tucked away we’d help mum prepare
lunch. With this set we’d get dressed and head to church
for the Christmas Day service. Having completed the
formalities we’d return home to our set familial tasks.
My job, as the youngest, was to take the presents from
under the tree and sort them into piles for the various
family members. Then, the dinner…
Our Christmas dinner had all the trimmings, nothing
unusual there. A hearty family feast was had by all.
After our lunch we’d have to clear back and do the
dishes. Then, with that behind us the coffee and biscuits
would come out and we’d finally start to unwrap the
presents. At 3pm precisely we’d have to pause whatever
we were doing and watch the Queen’s speech. With that
done it was time to tune into the big Christmas movie
(usually James Bond) and we’d sit back and finally let
our lunch digest.
But that wasn’t the end of it, come 5 o’clock the tea
trolley would be wheeled in with a full cheeseboard,
a freshly cooked ham and an assortment of crackers.
Don’t mind if I do thanks! And yes, I’ll have a glass of
red wine while I’m at it.
At this point, those of us that were still awake would
start bartering for who got to choose the evening movie.
We’d rarely agree on what to watch, but somehow a
successful negotiation would take place that could
teach the UN a thing or two and at least a couple of
us would be happy. At some point on this journey the
sherry would get opened and after half a small glass
mum would probably be tipsy and start doing Billy
Connelly impressions.
And then, eventually, we’d head off to bed ready to start
again on Boxing Day when we either visited relatives or
they came to us and we started all over again.
Nowadays we don’t do half of this, for one thing we
don’t even eat turkey (the kids just don’t like it). But we
have created our own traditions and the big day has a
rhythm that is unique to us and takes the best bits of
what both my wife and I value. Whilst neither of us are
religious we view this time of year as an opportunity to
celebrate our family and friends and not take any of it
for granted.
So happy Christmas to you all. I hope you get everything
you want, and thanks for reading my articles. I hope
they’ve made you laugh a little this year.
*Just to address the elephant in the room, I am well aware
that the Christmas I described in this article may be the
most middle class thing I’ve ever written. I’m not even
going to apologise for it. If you need me I’ll be in the east
wing admiring the view.
Edging into my forties, I’m a wrangler of two young children
who are either going to keep me eternally young or drive me
to an early grave. I’ll be sharing some of my experiences of
parenthood and my terrible attempts at staying relevant!
noonelikessubtitles@gmail.com
Dominic Murray