76 STYLE | wellbeing It’s not what happens to you that matters as much as how you perceive it and what you decide to do with it. Here are some questions and methods you can use to initiate this process: 1. Identify what the grudge is about. What specific trait, action or inaction (behaviour) do you perceive this individual has displayed or demonstrated that you resent most? 2. Ask yourself where and when you have displayed the same (or a similar) behaviour. Go to a moment when you have perceived yourself displaying this same or similar trait, action or inaction (behaviour). Whatever behaviour you perceive in others, and react to, reflects an action you have demonstrated but have become too proud within to admit to. 3. Imbalanced perceptions can keep the grudge alive. It’s not what happens to you that matters as much as how you perceive it and what you decide to do with it. 4. Have a look at where the grudge may have benefitted you. This serves to clear any shame or guilt that may be lingering from the past, which is one of the reasons you reacted and resented the behaviour demonstrated by this individual – since it reminded you of your own action that you have not balanced out and still carry around as shame or guilt. 5. There are two sides to the coin. Go to a moment where this same individual has displayed the exact opposite behaviour to the one you resented initially. By discovering moments where and when they acted out the opposite behaviour you realise that no one, and no situation, is ever one-sided. In this way you can dissolve any biased labels you may have projected onto them. 6. The unconscious becomes conscious. When you resent someone, you are conscious of the negatives and unconscious of the positives. When you discover the complementary opposite behaviour, you become fully conscious and intuitively awaken the unconscious. This liberates you from the grudge and the so-called resented memory. By prioritising your daily actions, you can begin filling your day with your highest priorities and most meaningful actions. This elevates your own self-worth and reduces your emotional reactions, which leads you to wiser daily actions. You become the master of your destiny and not a victim of your history, and you’ll be less vulnerable to resentments, fantasies and grudges.
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