Happiful June 2020

in. That I’d started to believe
what they were saying. Started to
believe it was true.
But for anyone who knows how
it feels to be persecuted for being
your truest self, we know that
person is still inside us. Even if
you’ve changed how you look,
and your presence in the world
is vastly different from what it
was, you’ll still hear their voice
inside your head to remind you
that they’re there. Sometimes,
it’s more important to prioritise
your whole health, both physical
and mental. By looking out for
your own mental health, it in no
way means that the prejudice
you face has won. It means that
you’re, unfortunately, having to be
practical in a world that doesn’t
allow trans folk to
breathe.
People often ask
me, “How did you
get to this version of
your face, and how
do you not care what
other people think
about you?” And
the answer is never
simple. People want
you to say that it’s all
about ‘being you’ and
‘never letting people
stop that’. In part, I
agree. We shouldn’t, en
masse, allow people
to dictate how we
look, or how we live
our lives, because they’re ours to
live, and not theirs. But it comes
to a point where you also have
to listen to your body, and your
mind. Make the decisions you
need to make about the way you
present yourself to the world. If
you can’t be bothered with having
to deal with the anxiety of street
harassment, it’s OK to create a
face that you know will be safer
for you. It doesn’t negate any part
of your identity, and it doesn’t
mean they’ve won. It just means
that you’re looking out for yourself
when you need it the most.
At what cost is
it to be yourself,
when everyone will
inevitably tell you
that they don’t want
you to be?
The first time I ever used my staff
discount was on that fateful beauty
department. I’d been working
there a week, and came in on my
day off. I will always remember
the absolute joy of placing that red
lipstick down on the counter, and
the pure excitement at how it was
going to make me feel.
Remember the excitement of the
first time you became who you are
now, and never forget that they
will always be proud of you, no
matter how you look.
June 2020 • happiful.com • 49