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10Mottos for the New YearBy: Heather Latimer / Heather’s Self-Help Tips“Solitude is a good place to visit but apoor place to stay.” American Humorist JoshBillings. (1818-1885) That’s a phrase we couldhave uttered ourselves in these troublesome times.Here are a few more quotations worth attention, not just for themoment, but as inspirations for the rest of our days:“You are never too old to set another goal or dream a newdream.” Theologian C.S. Lewis. (1898-1963)“Wisdom is to live in the present, plan for the future, andprofit from the past.” Member of UK Parliament Lord Hailsham.(1907-2001)“Anything is easier to get into than to get out of.” BaseballPlayer Agnes Allen. (1930-2012)“Laughter is the best medicine.” Author Norman Cousins. (1915-1990)“You are young at any age if you are planning for tomorrow.”Philosopher Eric Hoffer. (1902-1983)“Believe you can and you’re halfway there.” PresidentTheodore Roosevelt. (1858-1919)“Those who have no time for bodily exercise will sooneror later have to find time for illness.” UK prime minister EdwardStanley. (1799-1869)“It’s not whether you win or lose. It’s the way you play thegame that counts.” Sportswriter Grantland Rice. (1880-1954)“Mistakes are the portals of discovery.” Novelist James Joyce.(1882-1941)“To err is human. To forgive divine.” Poet Alexander Pope.(1688-1744)“A soft word turneth away wrath.” Bible Proverbs 15.1“It’s not the world I was brought up in. But we have to livein the new one.” Queen Elizabeth’s jockey Dick Francis. (1920-2010)Heather Latimer is a nationally recognized specialist in makingdifficult subjects easy and author of 17 books. See amazon.com/heather latimer/how to overcome.December 2020You Gotta LaughBy: Bill Caserta / Bill’s BlurbsDeep Thoughts:1. I’ve reached the age where my train of thoughtoften leaves the station without me.2. The truth always comes out as the Tequilagoes in.3. You never realize how anti-social you are until there is a pandemicand your life doesn’t really change that much.4. It’s a shame nothing is built in the USA anymore. I just brought a TVand it said, “Built in Antenna.” I don’t even know where that is.5. As I’ve grown older, I’ve learned that pleasing everyone is impossible,but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.Questions Heard All the Time in Sun City:1. What was I going to say?2. How did I get this bruise?3. Did I already take my pills?4. Did the dryer shrink these pants?5. Who in the world is calling me at 8:30 pm?* Last Joke of the Year: After nearly 50 years of marriage, a SunCity couple was lying in bed one evening, when the wife felt her husbandbegin to touch her in ways he hadn’t in quite some time. It almost tickledas his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past thesmall of her back.He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down,stopping just over her stomach. He then proceeded to place his hand onher left inner arm, working down her side, passing gently over her buttockand down her leg to her calf.Then, he proceeded up her thigh, stopping just at the uppermostportion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side,then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent.As she had become quite enamored by her husband’s actions, she askedin a loving voice, “Honey that was wonderful. Why did you stop?”To which he responded: “I found the remote.”Bill Caserta is the Project Director for The Vegas Voice andhas a very “unique” sense of humor. He welcomes all funnysubmissions at: bill@thevegasvoice.net.