Vegas Voice May 2021

Lies
By: Gayla Kalp / Life is Laughter
think of myself as an honest person. I believed
I that I never lied to my husband, daughter,
good friends, family, etc.
Until I really thought about it and then I
realized how much I lie to everyone every day. Think about your lies.
There is the Common Lie. When any customer service attendant
asks you “How is your day?” you put on a liar’s smile like the Cheshire
Cat and say “Great! Thank you!” or something just as dishonest.
You don’t really want to go into “Psychiatry Couch” mode and tell
them that you lost your job, have the flu and your dog died or some
other list of misfortunes that have recently happened to you.
Then there is the Bold Faced Lie. You tell the Girl Scout that you
already bought the cookies in order to not buy them. You don’t want to
reveal that you already look like a blob in your bathing suit or have a
chocolate mint cookie addiction worse than heroin.
Lie by Omission. You don’t tell the truth or whole truth by saying
nothing or leaving a portion of your opinion out of the conversation.
The neighbor, whom you don’t want to offend, gets a new car in a
horrid color. He says to you that he is so happy with it and you say that
he should be. It is some car!
You are asked by the mailman how’s your arthritis? You don’t want
to talk about all your aches and pains - especially with a person who
can tell half the town. So, you just say OK and omit any other detail.
Though you attended a college and flunked out, you let a new
acquaintance think you graduated. You tell your new acquaintance
that you know all about Prague. You let them think that you have been
there many times, when really you only read a brochure about the city.
The last lie is the Save Your Life Lie. You ask your husband if you
look fat in your new outfit? No explanation needed on the lie any
husband replies.
Gayla is a speaker, author, psychologist and humorist. She has
been a guest speaker for television and radio programs, plus a
featured speaker for business and charity organizations. She also
happens to be Ms. Sr. California, Nevada and Universe England.
6
May 2021
Happy Mother’s Day!
By: Bill Caserta / Bill’s Blurbs
In honor of Mother’s Day this month, I offer
the following:
* It’s never easy being a mother. If it were easy,
fathers would do it.
* What three words solves Dad’s every problem?
Ask your mother.
* Mother to son: “I’m warning you. If you fall out of that tree and
break both your legs, don’t come running to me!”
* Sunday school teacher: “Tell me, Johnny. Do you say prayers before
eating?” Johnny: “No, ma’am, I don’t have to. My mom’s a good cook.”
* Daughter: “Mom, what’s it like to have the greatest daughter in the
world?” Mom: “I don’t know dear; you’d have to ask Grandma.”
* A little girl asked her mom, “How did the human race appear?” The
mom answered, “God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and
so was all mankind made.”
Two days later the girl asked her Dad the same question. Dad
answered, “Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human
race evolved.”
The confused girl returned to her mom and said, “How is it possible
that you told me the human race was created by God and Dad said they
developed from monkeys?”
The mother answered, “Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about
my side of the family and your father told you about his!”
* And finally: I bought my Mom a mug which says, “Happy Mother’s
Day from the World’s Worst Son.” I forgot to mail it, but I think she
knows.
Bill Caserta is the Project Director for The Vegas Voice and
has a very “unique” sense of humor. He welcomes all funny
submissions at: bill@thevegasvoice.net.