Focus on the Family Magazine - June/July 2023

COUPLES / INVESTING IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP
balancing act
Prioritizing your marriage during the parenting years
BY GARY THOMAS ILLUSTRATIONS BY MICHAEL MEISTER
WHEN MY FIRST CHILD
WAS BORN, I felt miraculous
love and overwhelming terror. What
did I know about raising a baby? My
immediate obsession was her physical
safety, beginning with the perilous
drive home from the hospital. It was
only about 3 miles, but that day the trip
took 20 minutes. No telling how slippery
a completely dry road might be
when your firstborn child is nestled in
the back seat.
Fast-forward a decade or so, and I
was flinging my children into the air
in the pool. As parents, we eventually
realize that our children aren’t as fragile
as we initially thought they were.
That’s a good thing because we also
need to give some of our attention to
our spouses. If we focus only on our
parenting, our marriages can end up
weakened through neglect.
A healthy balance is needed between
the attention we give to parenting and
what we give to our marriages. To help
you find your footing in this balancing
act, here are two questions you and
your spouse can ask yourselves:
What are we
going to cut out?
When I ask first-time expectant couples
to consider this question, they wonder
what I mean.
“You’ll spend 20 to 30 hours a week
parenting,” I explain, “but you won’t
be given any extra hours in your day.
Something has to give. So be deliberate
about the changes you make and
decide what you can cut out of your
schedules.”
After the birth of their first child,
Debra and John realized that the
schedule they kept as a young married
couple wouldn’t work for them as
parents. When their third child came
along, John made a bold decision: He
found an office job five minutes from
home so he could drive home for lunch,
and he now works just three days a
week. Debra works as a counselor, so
32 FOCUS ON THE FAMILY CANADA JUNE / JULY 2023