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I haven’t spoken to Masen in almost two days. Not since Wednesday nightin the library, and now it’s Friday afternoon, and he wasn’t in our first classtoday again. How does he just come and go like it’s no big deal? Has heeven turned in any work? I’ve never seen him with books, and I’m temptedto go to the Cove and check on him. Is he even still there?I don’t know why I care. He’s constantly getting in my face, I knownext to nothing about him, and he’s dangerous for me. I’m not looking tobreak the mold when the year’s almost over. I’ve come this far, and I don’twant any drama. He should stay away.But I find myself looking for him. In class. In the cafeteria. In theparking lot. Even when I go home, this small hope lights up that he’llambush me in my room just like that first day last week.I want to be alone with him again. Those few stolen moments—the car,the lab, the library—they’re like my letters from Misha. Something to lookforward to.
I didn’t leave any graffiti last night after swim lessons, partly because Ialmost got caught the night before with him and it was a good idea to backoff for a few days, but also because I suddenly didn’t want to.Masen was the release now.And I hated that.When Misha disappeared, and I didn’t know if he was getting mywords, I started leaving them at school for people to read. It’s stupid andchildish, but one day a couple of months ago, when things got to be toomuch, I was afraid I’d start screaming. So that night, before locking up thepool, I made a snap-second decision and took out my Sharpie. I wrote on alocker—a special message for just that person.It was a fluke. It wouldn’t happen again.But the next morning when I saw him read it over and over beforefinally writing it down and taping it to the inside of his locker, before thejanitor could clean it off, it became something I wanted to do again. Themessages became more frequent, bigger and louder, but never personal.Never with students’ names.Not until last week with Lyla’s business aired on the front lawn. Thatwasn’t me, and it was all the more reason for me to stop. Others werefollowing my lead now, and I didn’t want it to get any more out of hand.They’d hired security, so it was only a matter of time before they got thecameras working and someone got caught.Especially when I’d been using washable spray-paint and only usingmarkers on things, like metal, that could be cleaned, and not damaged, withnail polish remover. But the lawn had to be cut, since whoever did it hadused permanent spray-paint, and the pressure washer didn’t work. How longbefore it got really destructive?
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Penelope DouglasCopyright © 2016 P
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Chapter 20Chapter 21Chapter 22Epilo
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To Claire and Benderand what would
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It’s just that…given all of her
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continue to communicate this way be
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“I’m on my way.” I start the
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enough to jog in the middle of nowh
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“Yessssss.” She bows her head i
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everyone moving about, their laught
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“And you don’t?”I feel his ey
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No, it’s not her. It can’t be.
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“Hi.”I dart my eyes up, my hear
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“Or…” she goes on, sounding a
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But she doesn’t back down or feig
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Before pulling away and saying good
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On the current news front, I got in
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Straightening, I place my hands on
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“I posted my review for Brave New
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chair and snatch up my jean shorts.
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a man.”I lean back in my seat, ca
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A few months ago, a jogger named An
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through the elephant and hot air ba
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have to fake it much around him.The
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himself how awesome he is. Trey Bur
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around the park quickly. Come on!
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“Well, if there is,” I speak lo
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“Go,” I tell Ten, nudging his b
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“Let’s go, ladies!” Coach pou
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“Boo.” Lyla pouts. “That’s
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I toss the smooth, tan fabric at he
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mine.Annoyance pricks at me. Awesom
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that right, Manny?” I call out, k
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Trey tosses another paper, harder t
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“It’s him,” Ten whispers in m
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I drop my pencil to the table and r
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I spin around and walk for Masen, a
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I don’t have to turn around to kn
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I was able to get Pre-Calc done at
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couple of hours afterward. I have a
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I lunge for him.I grab hold of the
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I stare at the word written on the
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probably doesn’t have any money,
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“Can I at least read something wr
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I catch sight of Masen out of the c
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there’s no talking. You’re work
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I look up, shaking my head. “No.
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No one’s talking about it. No one
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Starting it up, he steps on the gas
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Dear Ryen,I hold the pen over the p
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fantasize I kept them? Maybe with a
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But then I see the passenger side d
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“Does she want it back?”I smile
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“Dude, we should get out of here,
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I turn around and walk down the hal
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“And here I thought you ate child
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I widen my eyes, and every muscle i
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hear the pigeons flapping through t
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drawer. The rest of Misha’s lette
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letters have been slowing down over
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I groan inwardly. Yeah, but “Punk
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I turn and see Lyla, looking a litt
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Even Manny is missing, probably hav
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J.D., Lyla, and I stand and watch a
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Masen approaches, and my heartbeat
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I knock his arm away, my stomach ti
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school, so I’m not here for that.
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I should just leave. Walk out the f
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stay out of my way, or I’ll make
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She twists around and takes out the
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Annie’s fabric softener. She was
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An ache lodges in my throat, and I
Page 147 and 148: I make it back to the school just a
Page 149 and 150: “Masen, stop!” I hear someone y
Page 151 and 152: I bite my tongue, too fucking angry
Page 153 and 154: Don’t change, Ryen wrote in a let
Page 155 and 156: Trey is nearly forgotten. For the m
Page 157 and 158: flicks the ring.I groan again, unab
Page 159 and 160: I lick my lips, feeling the warm me
Page 161 and 162: I trail my hand across my cheek and
Page 163 and 164: She nods, her blue eyes smiling at
Page 165 and 166: I pass the houses and read the numb
Page 167 and 168: I bring up my hand and rap on the d
Page 169 and 170: “Can you believe Masen Laurent?
Page 171 and 172: Masen pushes off the lockers, still
Page 173 and 174: him.I want to be closer.He presses
Page 175 and 176: Making sure the girl who got out a
Page 177 and 178: through, because I wasn’t sure wh
Page 179 and 180: He hasn’t called me, though.If he
Page 181 and 182: I run across the school parking lot
Page 183 and 184: -PunkI smile to myself. Looks like
Page 185 and 186: Why would I say anything? This is h
Page 187 and 188: it open, hearing the alarm go off.
Page 189 and 190: She raises her eyes, looking a litt
Page 191 and 192: falls into me, and we both tumble t
Page 193 and 194: She moans, arching her back, and my
Page 195 and 196: right thing to drive me insane and
Page 197: watching her warily. She dresses an
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Page 203 and 204: “I can handle my boyfriend,” sh
Page 205 and 206: “Well, I guess there’s somethin
Page 207 and 208: Good in bed? The thought of him enj
Page 209 and 210: I sift through change, a few receip
Page 211 and 212: “You can’t, can you?” His voi
Page 213 and 214: well as a couple next to us.Masen b
Page 215 and 216: “You are kissing me.”He gnaws m
Page 217 and 218: And all of a sudden, I’m not worr
Page 219 and 220: He pushes up one of my knees, openi
Page 221 and 222: “Just for a minute, okay?” I pl
Page 223 and 224: I don’t even want to look outside
Page 225 and 226: I shoot him a nasty look. But then
Page 227 and 228: I stop.He touches my face, coming i
Page 229 and 230: trash can.I curl my fingers around
Page 231 and 232: I reach down, pretending to get som
Page 233 and 234: shitty.”I stop and turn my eyes o
Page 235 and 236: Oh, please. I slide in between him
Page 237 and 238: I’m going to hell. I’m pretty s
Page 239 and 240: Reaching down, I left the sheet up,
Page 241 and 242: I groan, my cock straining against
Page 243 and 244: move and back up into my cock, eage
Page 245 and 246: trying to come down.I better get ou
Page 247 and 248: raided Lieber’s Bakery during sch
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I don’t fear Lyla’s judgement a
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I try to act like a badass, but hon
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He takes my phone out of my hand an
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Of course not. Their dog is big but
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I touch his arm. “Masen?” I say
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“What do you think?” he teases.
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all of them? And Sylvie’s the swe
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I don’t know if Ten will stick wi
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it for the morning when I can watch
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It rhymes. Like a song.Alone, Empty
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I’m about to fucking choke, I can
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Everything is dark, not a single li
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I look up at him, wishing he was aw
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I guess I’ll find out.“I’ve b
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These were all letters that were se
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And I immediately feel her.Standing
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about our parents—the decaying he
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“I lied about the people in my li
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“Where were you this morning?”
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I finish getting my things and clos
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“You’re gonna be,” I threaten
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all do that, because we’re sick o
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town for the night, but they didn
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I laugh. I’ve known him long enou
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Malcolm beats through the fill, the
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I pick up my phone and check to see
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called already, just to break it up
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But I turn back around, advancing o
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“I forget,” I answer, still sta
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I guess they would know. A few year
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His friend, Kai, quietly laughs at
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“Yeah?” I turn my eyes back on
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She keeps stride, her beautiful ass
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The next day, he’s not in our fir
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Over here, separated, alone, and ex
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The O.J. sticks to my legs and seep
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Just being near him is soothing at
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He leads me into a spacious bathroo
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Remembering back, I was pretty hard
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with. I could go back. I could be t
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I close my eyes again, hearing what
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“Talk to me,” he whispers. “I
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“Yeah. We were always just friend
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For the rest of the night.
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I’m not sure if he’s going to b
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predators not allowed to be within
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I dart my eyes to the sides, lookin
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picked for sports and often got in
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But he just looks over at me, looki
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to clean off my arm where thick che
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Everyone gets busy eating. J.D. ste
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overhead threaten more of the same.
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and energy to be everything she was
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“Well, you are the grandson of a
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My sister, I think, was just aggrav
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feel like Misha’s just doing me a
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leading us into the ballroom. The f
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I notice Trey lumbering toward her
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him to keep going.When did he write
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You’re not alone. It gets better.
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“Hey, did you see this?” a girl
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I turn to Misha, sighing. “You sh
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“Sit down.”I prefer to stand, b
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She raises her eyes, locking on min
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the tops of my knees. “And I want
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could’ve, she would’ve. She did
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“It’s just bullshit dives and f
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“What if she doesn’t even remem
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the night off. Go get a date.”Som
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father in Thunder Bay, but the nigh
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What a baby. He knew when he marrie
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Thank you for reading and reviewing
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That’s right. I was in the bathro
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Love,Ryen
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yourself, even if it means those ar
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Fifty-seven letters I didn’t send
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You told us to prepare now and play
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HE WON’T BE HERE.There’d be no
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applied a little lip gloss. I scurr
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What I always wanted to do.To look
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shirt, and silver tie. So clean. So
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Us? No.Trevor didn’t make my hear
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brows that slanted inward, making h
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She had texted earlier, saying she
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nature and self-preservation, and d
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here?But those masks. They were the
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To Ing Cruz at As the Pages Turn Bo
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Penelope Douglas is a New York Time
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