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Her breathing calms, but she stays buried in my neck, sounding as ifshe’s asleep.“I wish we would’ve met in grade school,” I say quietly, smiling tomyself. “We would’ve played well together. On the playground, I mean.”She pulls her head up, and there’s pain in her eyes.I cup her face in my hands. “I know you,” I tell her. “I know you now.You wouldn’t have wanted this from anyone else. Because before me, youhad sex once. Two years ago.”Her eyebrows pinch together, and I can see tears glistening. Yeah, Iremember the letter, babe. You were a mess, feeling ashamed and hurt, and Iwanted to kill the guy.“Everyone told you to do it, and you did,” I whisper. “He never spoke toyou again, and that’s why you waited for me.”“I wasn’t waiting for you.”“You waited for it to feel right,” I bite back, not taking any more of hershit. “I was jealous when you confided in me about your first time. Thatwas when I realized I was possessive of you.” I stare straight into her eyes,never sure about anything this much. “I want everything about you, Ryen,and I know you want me.”Her body shakes a little, and I lean in, kissing her on the cheek. “But Ilove the way you lie.”
The next day, he’s not in our first class.I know where he lives, and it brings me back to when I first noticedhe’d stopped writing all those months ago. I can check on him if I’m reallyworried. He knows where to find me if he wants to see me.But wait… I’m the one who doesn’t want to see him. I told him to go,so what if he did?I know he never intended for things to get so out of hand, and I believehe’s sorry, but I can’t wrap my head around it. Pretending you’re someoneelse is bad enough. Lurking right under my nose with me none the wiser isawful.But sleeping with me? How could he do it? Was he Masen or Misha inthat truck at the drive-in? Was he really ever planning on telling me?I shouldn’t have relented last night. The emotions were high, I missedhim, and when he took me in his arms, I just wanted to stop fighting for fiveminutes. I wanted to feel good with him again and forget.
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Penelope DouglasCopyright © 2016 P
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Chapter 20Chapter 21Chapter 22Epilo
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To Claire and Benderand what would
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It’s just that…given all of her
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continue to communicate this way be
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“I’m on my way.” I start the
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enough to jog in the middle of nowh
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“Yessssss.” She bows her head i
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everyone moving about, their laught
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“And you don’t?”I feel his ey
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No, it’s not her. It can’t be.
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“Hi.”I dart my eyes up, my hear
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“Or…” she goes on, sounding a
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But she doesn’t back down or feig
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Before pulling away and saying good
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On the current news front, I got in
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Straightening, I place my hands on
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“I posted my review for Brave New
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chair and snatch up my jean shorts.
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a man.”I lean back in my seat, ca
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A few months ago, a jogger named An
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through the elephant and hot air ba
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have to fake it much around him.The
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himself how awesome he is. Trey Bur
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around the park quickly. Come on!
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“Well, if there is,” I speak lo
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“Go,” I tell Ten, nudging his b
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“Let’s go, ladies!” Coach pou
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“Boo.” Lyla pouts. “That’s
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I toss the smooth, tan fabric at he
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mine.Annoyance pricks at me. Awesom
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that right, Manny?” I call out, k
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Trey tosses another paper, harder t
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“It’s him,” Ten whispers in m
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I drop my pencil to the table and r
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I spin around and walk for Masen, a
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I don’t have to turn around to kn
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I was able to get Pre-Calc done at
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couple of hours afterward. I have a
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I lunge for him.I grab hold of the
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I stare at the word written on the
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probably doesn’t have any money,
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“Can I at least read something wr
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I catch sight of Masen out of the c
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there’s no talking. You’re work
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I look up, shaking my head. “No.
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No one’s talking about it. No one
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Starting it up, he steps on the gas
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Dear Ryen,I hold the pen over the p
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fantasize I kept them? Maybe with a
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But then I see the passenger side d
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“Does she want it back?”I smile
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“Dude, we should get out of here,
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I turn around and walk down the hal
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“And here I thought you ate child
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I widen my eyes, and every muscle i
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hear the pigeons flapping through t
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drawer. The rest of Misha’s lette
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letters have been slowing down over
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I groan inwardly. Yeah, but “Punk
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I turn and see Lyla, looking a litt
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Even Manny is missing, probably hav
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J.D., Lyla, and I stand and watch a
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Masen approaches, and my heartbeat
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I knock his arm away, my stomach ti
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school, so I’m not here for that.
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I should just leave. Walk out the f
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stay out of my way, or I’ll make
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She twists around and takes out the
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Annie’s fabric softener. She was
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An ache lodges in my throat, and I
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I make it back to the school just a
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“Masen, stop!” I hear someone y
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I bite my tongue, too fucking angry
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Don’t change, Ryen wrote in a let
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Trey is nearly forgotten. For the m
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flicks the ring.I groan again, unab
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I lick my lips, feeling the warm me
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I trail my hand across my cheek and
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She nods, her blue eyes smiling at
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I pass the houses and read the numb
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I bring up my hand and rap on the d
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“Can you believe Masen Laurent?
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Masen pushes off the lockers, still
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him.I want to be closer.He presses
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Making sure the girl who got out a
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through, because I wasn’t sure wh
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He hasn’t called me, though.If he
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I run across the school parking lot
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-PunkI smile to myself. Looks like
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Why would I say anything? This is h
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it open, hearing the alarm go off.
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She raises her eyes, looking a litt
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falls into me, and we both tumble t
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She moans, arching her back, and my
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right thing to drive me insane and
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watching her warily. She dresses an
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I didn’t leave any graffiti last
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on to the roll bar and yelling to s
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“I can handle my boyfriend,” sh
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“Well, I guess there’s somethin
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Good in bed? The thought of him enj
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I sift through change, a few receip
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“You can’t, can you?” His voi
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well as a couple next to us.Masen b
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“You are kissing me.”He gnaws m
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And all of a sudden, I’m not worr
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He pushes up one of my knees, openi
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“Just for a minute, okay?” I pl
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I don’t even want to look outside
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I shoot him a nasty look. But then
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I stop.He touches my face, coming i
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trash can.I curl my fingers around
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I reach down, pretending to get som
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shitty.”I stop and turn my eyes o
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Oh, please. I slide in between him
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I’m going to hell. I’m pretty s
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Reaching down, I left the sheet up,
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I groan, my cock straining against
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move and back up into my cock, eage
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trying to come down.I better get ou
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raided Lieber’s Bakery during sch
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I don’t fear Lyla’s judgement a
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I try to act like a badass, but hon
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He takes my phone out of my hand an
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Of course not. Their dog is big but
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I touch his arm. “Masen?” I say
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“What do you think?” he teases.
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all of them? And Sylvie’s the swe
Page 263 and 264: I don’t know if Ten will stick wi
Page 265 and 266: it for the morning when I can watch
Page 267 and 268: It rhymes. Like a song.Alone, Empty
Page 269 and 270: I’m about to fucking choke, I can
Page 271 and 272: Everything is dark, not a single li
Page 273 and 274: I look up at him, wishing he was aw
Page 275 and 276: I guess I’ll find out.“I’ve b
Page 277 and 278: These were all letters that were se
Page 279 and 280: And I immediately feel her.Standing
Page 281 and 282: about our parents—the decaying he
Page 283 and 284: “I lied about the people in my li
Page 285 and 286: “Where were you this morning?”
Page 287 and 288: I finish getting my things and clos
Page 289 and 290: “You’re gonna be,” I threaten
Page 291 and 292: all do that, because we’re sick o
Page 293 and 294: town for the night, but they didn
Page 295 and 296: I laugh. I’ve known him long enou
Page 297 and 298: Malcolm beats through the fill, the
Page 299 and 300: I pick up my phone and check to see
Page 301 and 302: called already, just to break it up
Page 303 and 304: But I turn back around, advancing o
Page 305 and 306: “I forget,” I answer, still sta
Page 307 and 308: I guess they would know. A few year
Page 309 and 310: His friend, Kai, quietly laughs at
Page 311 and 312: “Yeah?” I turn my eyes back on
Page 313: She keeps stride, her beautiful ass
Page 317 and 318: Over here, separated, alone, and ex
Page 319 and 320: The O.J. sticks to my legs and seep
Page 321 and 322: Just being near him is soothing at
Page 323 and 324: He leads me into a spacious bathroo
Page 325 and 326: Remembering back, I was pretty hard
Page 327 and 328: with. I could go back. I could be t
Page 329 and 330: I close my eyes again, hearing what
Page 331 and 332: “Talk to me,” he whispers. “I
Page 333 and 334: “Yeah. We were always just friend
Page 335 and 336: For the rest of the night.
Page 337 and 338: I’m not sure if he’s going to b
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Page 341 and 342: I dart my eyes to the sides, lookin
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Page 345 and 346: But he just looks over at me, looki
Page 347 and 348: to clean off my arm where thick che
Page 349 and 350: Everyone gets busy eating. J.D. ste
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Page 353 and 354: and energy to be everything she was
Page 355 and 356: “Well, you are the grandson of a
Page 357 and 358: My sister, I think, was just aggrav
Page 359 and 360: feel like Misha’s just doing me a
Page 361 and 362: leading us into the ballroom. The f
Page 363 and 364: I notice Trey lumbering toward her
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him to keep going.When did he write
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You’re not alone. It gets better.
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“Hey, did you see this?” a girl
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I turn to Misha, sighing. “You sh
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“Sit down.”I prefer to stand, b
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She raises her eyes, locking on min
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the tops of my knees. “And I want
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could’ve, she would’ve. She did
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“It’s just bullshit dives and f
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“What if she doesn’t even remem
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the night off. Go get a date.”Som
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father in Thunder Bay, but the nigh
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What a baby. He knew when he marrie
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Thank you for reading and reviewing
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That’s right. I was in the bathro
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Love,Ryen
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yourself, even if it means those ar
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Fifty-seven letters I didn’t send
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You told us to prepare now and play
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HE WON’T BE HERE.There’d be no
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applied a little lip gloss. I scurr
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What I always wanted to do.To look
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shirt, and silver tie. So clean. So
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Us? No.Trevor didn’t make my hear
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brows that slanted inward, making h
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She had texted earlier, saying she
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nature and self-preservation, and d
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here?But those masks. They were the
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To Ing Cruz at As the Pages Turn Bo
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Penelope Douglas is a New York Time
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