1642734778_punk-57-pdf

But Masen makes me feel courage, too.
I don’t need him to fill the void Misha left, but I like how he pushes me
and expects more. He’s a reminder of what I want to feel every day, whether
it’s with him or on my own. He’s taught me that who I am when I’m with
him feels too good to sacrifice for the approval of everyone else. The way I
dress, the guys I talk to, the games I play…it’s all plastic, and when I’m
with him, I’m gold.
My eyes fall on the list of words I drew over the past couple of weeks.
Alone
Empty
Fraud
Shame
Fear
And below it, I’d added the line he spoke to me in the back of the truck
at the drive-in.
Close your eyes, there’s nothing to see out here.
I’d loved that line. As if everything we needed to know, we couldn’t
see. It was all inside of us.
I blink at the list, reading them over and over in my head.
Alone, Empty, Fraud, Shame, Fear,
Close your eyes, there’s nothing to see out here.
Hmm. I read them again in my head and once more out loud.