Whitchurch and Llandaff Living Issue 68

Free yourself
In a world where we can often feel hard done by, the feeling of
victimisation can lead us into a negative spiral. Here's how to beat it
Many of us are guilty of
having a moan about things
every now and then. Life is
busy and maybe we don't get time
to sit down and relax the way we
want to. Maybe other people seem
to have happier lives than us, have
more success than us, or have
things a little easier than us.
For some of us though, we like to
dwell in the mindset that for some
reason, we were born under a
wrong star, or that we're somehow
getting the short straw more often
than others. The fact of the matter
is that yes, life is unfair. And some
of us get more bad luck than
others. This can lead us to fall into
the mindset that we are somehow
a victim of circumstance.
There are, of course, real victims
in this world. They are the ones
who through no fault of their own,
are caught up in the most awful
situations, often not being able to
escape or make the change they
desperately need.
For the majority of us though, we
like to think of ourselves as victims
for less - because there's a long
queue in the Post Office when
you're in a rush; when they've sold
out of your favourite wine.
We tend to take things so
personally that we begin to think
that the world is out to get us
when in fact, the world is not even
thinking about you. They're more
interested in themselves.
The world isn't out to get you. You
are one of billions of people in this
world who are all trying to achieve
something. The hard truth is that
you're only a victim of your own
mind. And here's how to change
that mindset for the better.
Recognise the
martyrdom
Before you can start on fixing
yourself, you first need to
recognise the martyrdom that's
causing the victim mindset.
When something doesn't go the
way you wanted it to, become
aware of the feelings that this
has caused. Is it the event that
has caused these feelings or is
it your reaction to it? When that
motorist cut you up, were they
doing it because they know you
personally and wanted to hurt
you, or was it because they were
unsure about which lane they
should have been in?
Keep asking yourself these
kinds of questions and then ask
yourself whether you are going
to continue giving permission for
these life events to hurt you. Are
you able to stop these life events
from happening, just to protect
your feelings? Very unlikely. The
next best thing in that case is to
change your reaction to them,
accepting that they happen - to
all of us, not just you. And when
you start moaning about life, try
and listen to yourself objectively.
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