Whitchurch and Llandaff Living Issue 68

Take responsibility
Many of the things that challenge
us in life can be traced back to
our own decisions. And while
it's easy to blame some of
our circumstances on others,
the fact is that until we start
taking accountability for our
own decisions and actions,
nothing will ever change for the
better because as far as you're
concerned, you're at the behest of
life and its path.
Taking responsibility is therefore
fundamental to improving your
mental health and to overcoming
the victim mentality. We can start
by accepting our own mistakes
and failings, and not trying to pass
the blame onto someone else.
Next, we can stop making
excuses. That's the easy way
out. Making excuses doesn't do
yourself any favours - in fact, it
can come back to bite you on the
backside.
Another way to take
responsibility is to accept the
fact that negative emotions are
inevitable and a part of life. When
we are faced with challenging
circumstances, aim not to react
immediately; try and avoid
jumping into defensive mode
and approach the problem with a
calm, open mind.
All of this doesn't mean
that you have to be harsh on
yourself. Show yourself the same
compassion that you would with a
good friend. Be accountable but
treat yourself with kindness too.
Forgive yourself and
others
As we travel through life, others let
us know how they view us. Teachers,
family members, friends - they all
put labels on us and very often,
these can be harming if we start
believing them.
Constructive feedback is one thing
but when people start judging us
and labelling without the full context
of facts, we can start believing the
things they tell us. We're stupid,
we're lazy, we're clumsy. "What's
wrong with you?" makes us think we
have something seriously wrong.
The more they tell us, the more we
believe it.
So take a step back. Are their views
based on a full understanding?
Probably not. In that case, forgive
them. Forgive yourself too for past
mistakes. We all make them.
Choose to be a victor
William Ernest Henley, in his
famous poem Invictus, wrote:
“I am the master of my destiny, I
am the captain of my soul.”
If you are able to understand that
so much of your life is within your
hands and capabilities, you'll soon
be able to realise that despite the
challenges that are thrown at us,
you are in charge. You can change
things. It's all there waiting for you.
Realising that you are a victor,
and not a victim, is the first step
to achieving freedom of the mind.
The power to have the life you want
is within you. You can be a victor.
Adopt that mindset.
People who have succeeded in
life have found that belief within
themselves.
wellbeing
Take action
Action is the step that takes us out of
our comfort zone. But whether you
like it or not, it is also the key that
unlocks our fears, develops us as a
person, and makes us feel more in
control of our lives. It also helps us
feel less of a victim, and more of a
victor.
If there's something specific that
you'd like to do or change in your
life, speak to someone who's already
been there and done it. Most people
are more than willing to share their
expertise and experience to help you
on your way. There is no shame in
seeking out assistance. Unhappy with
your job? Find out what you'd rather
do instead. Speak to people in that
industry. Don't be afraid to start from
the very beginning - everyone has
been in that position before.
Leaning into the fear and doing it
anyway is how those who succeed in
life get to where they are. They do it
scared and until you can start doing
that, nothing in your life will change.
Putting off the action means that
your fear of making it will grow,
making it harder to achieve. It will also
mean that another day has gone by
where you could have made some
progress towards happiness. Instead,
you're happy to stay within your
comfort zone and to blame others for
your lack of progress.
The time to take action is now, even
if that means doing an element of
planning for the changes you want to
make.
Ultimately, the results of your life are
a product of the thoughts you think,
the decisions you make, and the
actions you take.
Act accordingly.
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