Whitchurch and Llandaff Living Issue 68

secured with a piece of chequered
fabric and an elastic band. If you
don't buy any, you're missing out on
a real treat.
Kettle
And now that you've got Ethel's jam
in the house, would you be a love
and pop the kettle on for a nice
cuppa? Aw, thanks.
Leaves
Every year, our country's trees
sprout new leaves. These leaves
mature and grow during the
summer, and then, in autumn, they
all fall off. Every autumn. Every
year. If you could make the railway
companies aware of this annual
event, that'd be great.
Mugs
This time of year calls for proper
mugs from which to drink your tea.
None of that posh bone china stuff.
You want chunky, big-handled
builder's mugs. Ones that you need
two hands to lift to your mouth.
Them ones.
Nesting
The colder weather often makes
us think of 'nesting', in this case,
the act of getting your home cosy
and warm for the winter ahead. The
brutal truth is that a nest is usually
made from twigs and doesn't have
a roof. Or a telly. Not that cosy, is it?
Owls
Of course, owls exist all year round,
but for some reason, they seem to
have claimed the season of autumn
all to themselves. The reason for
this is because they're more active,
establishing their winter territories
and loading up on food sources at
this time of year; stockpiling Ethel's
jam - that sort of thing.
Pine cones
Often mistaken for small hedgehogs
by some with less than perfect
vision, these little seed pods were
once thought to ward off spiders.
Which is all a load of rubbish as no
one has ever been able to prove it.
Quilts
What tog are you going for this
winter? The Thermal Overall Grade
(bet you didn't know that's what
it stood for, did you?) rating can
help you decide whether you're
going to be toasty in bed. Aim
for somewhere over a 9.0 but if
things get too cold, ramp it up to
a 12 or even a 15. There will come
a cold night in the not too distant
future when you'll say to yourself
'I'd never have
known that. I'm
so glad I picked
up that copy of
Whitchurch and
Llandaff Living.'
Raincoat
Autumn storms
usually result
in two things -
getting wet and
your wheelie
bin being blown
over. You can
remedy the former point by getting
yourself a raincoat but as for the
wheelie bins, it's every household
for themselves. Stay strong!
Spiders
Every August, they start to appear.
Quiet at first. Just watching us with
their eight eyes. Seeing where
we like to sit when we watch the
telly; where we like to eat our
food; and where we like to leave
our shoes. By October, they're the
size of tarantulas and are ready
at a moment's notice, to ruin our
evening.
Temperature
"Oo. It's cold, isn't it?" One of the
more common phrases uttered
during the autumn and winter
which are [checks notes], the
coldest seasons of the year.
Umbrella
After a good autumn storm, you'll
be able to find out who's invested
wisely during the warmer months
and those who have just grabbed
a cheap umbrella from the market.
The public bins will attest to this.
Vegetables
The harvest season brings in
healthy root vegetables by the
bucket load. Mostly destined for the
food bin and the fruit flies because
feature
there's a special offer on biscuits
and cake down the Co-op.
Woolies
Back in the day, there'd always
be an older member of the family
knitting 'woolies' for the autumn.
These days, it's quicker and cheaper
to pick up woolies from Primark. We
have deprived the older generation
of their true purpose in life. What
have we become?
'Xtra' layers
'Wear layers because if you get too
warm, you can take a layer off.' The
only problem with this seasonal
bit of advice is that you're then left
with a garment you've got to carry
around. You can't win. First world
problems, eh?
Yarn
Give an older member of your
family something to do and feel
like they have a purpose in life. Buy
them some yarn.
Zippers
Another word for one of those
cosy tops we put on and zip right
up when the weather's cold. They
often get jammed when you're in
a rush and you have to throw the
whole thing away when the zip
itself breaks.
47