Frank Magazine Issue 578.pdf - Besthostingplanever.com

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SCHMOOZING DOWN ON THE WATERFRONT BY A. FRANK GRUNT MY WORD, IT APPEARS EVERY TIME POOR GEOFF MACHUM HAS ONE OF HIS TORY FRIENDS OVER TO SUCK BACK A COLD ONE, EAT SOME CHEESIES AND WATCH THE LATEST TRUCKPULL, SOME LIBERAL NOSES SOMEWHERE, GET ALL OUT OF JOINT. Machum, 49, is the well-heeled Stewart McKelvey law partner, the former husband of former television meat puppet Nancy Regan, and via his seat on the Halifax Port Authority, a recipient of Tory, er, um, taxpayer largesse. For those of you who have never heard the term Halifax Port Authority. Let me explain: The Halifax Port Authority is a federal Crown corporation. Federal Crown corporations don’t actually do anything. Or, at least, that is not their essential aim, or purpose. The primary purpose of any Crown corporation, federal or provincial, is to take care of, and provide status to, friends of the ruling government, in this case the so-called Stephen Harper Conservatives. Remember? Before the big Peter MacKay sell-out, they used to be called the Progressive Conservatives? So, the governing party puts its people in place on boards of directors of Crown corporations. In some cases, there is even cross-pollination, as Tory Karen Oldfield was an appointee of Liberal PM Jean Chretien. This allows the friends of the governing party to collect hefty honorariums, eat at expensive restaurants, take junkets or mini-vacations around the world for no other purpose than seeing the world, and, in the case of Tory hack and Halifax Port Authority president and ceo Karen Oldfield, collect sizable end-of-year bonus cheques which are rarely, if ever, based on performance. At the Halifax Port Authority, there is absolutely no relationship between Variable “A” performance and, Variable “B” bonus cheque. Or salary for that matter. Funnelling tool So, as you can see, a Crown corporation is no more than a means to an ends. One giant, big, colossal, mammoth mother$%@!&* sinecure. Think: David Dingwall and the Royal Canadian Mint. It is no more than a funnelling tool used to siphon off tax dollars to party faithful, and, occasionally the token outsider. A Crown corporation ain’t no linoleum knife, or X-Acto knife. A Crown corporation is the machete used by the political powers and political insiders to carve up huge, obscene chunks of the public purse for themselves. Accept that, my friends, as a Frankland Teachable Moment, because in realpolitik you can forget about mission statements and fancy websites, all that matters is that TPTB funnel the money where the money is supposed to go. No fuss, no bother, and as few questions as possible, please, from FRANK magazine! Hate to burst yer ideological freedom of the press, representative democracy, etc. bubble, there, sweetheart, but we ain’t in Kansas anymore, Toto. Fact is, the Halifax Port Authority has never been about the Port of Halifax. But ya can’t be too brazen. Too blatant. Ya gotta camouflage things a bit. Ya can’t appear too eager. Sneak up. Don’t go grabbin’ straight at the crotch. Be gentle. Move slowly but deliberately, save somebody might catch on! So ya gotta make up things like Port Days so it will appear to Joe & Janice IQ 72 that the enterprise, in this case the Halifax Port Authority, appears to be in the interest of a little known something sometimes referred to as “the public good,” and not merely to serve the financial desires of a given political oligarchy. Folks, when ya hear the phrase “the public good,” always think snake oil salesman, or the phrase “too good to be true.” ‘Cause there ain’t no public good where political oligarchies are concerned. And then, you throw in some perfunctory rules or bylaws, just to lend a thin veneer of legitimacy to the process, and this is where Geoff Machum and his Tory friends come in. 10 ATLANTIC CANADA FRANK FEBRUARY 16, 2010 Geoff Machum & Wife No. 2 & Nancy’s their Marlborough Woods pile. From what I know Machum is a political animal, has been since birth. He and brother and fellow SM law partner Grant Machum come from Tory roots in New Brunswick. I think I took Machum’s picture once. Four years ago at the 2006 Tory Leadership Convention, but I admit I did not pay as much attention to him as the dazzling blonde he had hanging off his arm. Can hardly remember him, everything happened so fast... But I do know Machum is close buddies with Jamie Baillie, prez & CEO of Credit Union Atlantic, and a former Chief of Staff to Premier John Hamm, blah, blah, blah... Baillie will likely be on the ballot for the provincial Tories when they hold their leadership convention in October. The fact that on Sunday afternoon, January 3, Geoff Machum and his dazzling blonde second wife, Kim (Sanford) entertained Baillie and a slew of Tories at their Marlborough Woods mansion has some tongues wagging in and around the Halifax Port Authority. I understand the event wasn’t a fundraiser, as much as it was a gathering of people interested in making Jamie Baillie the next provincial (as in province) Tory leader. Still, good heavens! Is it possible there might be a schism in this very private, very lucrative club, I wonder? Er, um, the Halifax Port Authority, I mean, not the N.S. Progressive Conservative Party. That club ain’t so lucrative anymore. CONTINUED ON PAGE 12
THE BIG BLUE KAHUNAS GIVE MR. BAILLIE A SNIFF BY A. FRANK GRUNT AS NOTED, THE DORA THE EXPLORER EXPLORATORY COMMITTEE TO EXPLORE THE POTENTIAL LEADERSHIP POTENTIAL OF JAMIE BAILLIE MET AT GEOFF MACHUM’S HOUSE FOR THREE TO FOUR HOURS, SUNDAY PM, JANUARY 3. The hypnotic experience commenced at about noon, tea was served, everybody wished everybody a Happy New Year, complimented each other on their fine ’09 Xmas wardrobe, especially the Xmas blue cardigans, and some informal potential committees were then, quite naturally, potentially struck. Then each happy, potentially fully relieved, and exploratory-full participant stomped into the Geoff & Kim master bedroom, unsnarled their winter parka jackets from atop Geoff & Kim’s bed, pecked each other on the cheek, in grand darhhling, South End Halifax fashion, then immediately sped off in their Saabs to various Wal-Mart stores throughout metro in an effort to make their Christmas returns. The Big Blue Kahunas included: former Preston Manning Reform Party/Rodney MacDonald fartcatcher Sen. Stephen Greene; former provincial cabinet ministers Jamie Muir and Jane Purves; Kevin Lacey the architect of the Rocket Rodney MacDonald rousing 2009 general election campaign; Jordi Morgan the architect of Rocket Rodney MacDonald’s rousing 2009 breakthrough in Halifax metro for same; former newspaper hack cum defence lawyer Cameron MacKeen; and Bill Black nemesis and WWE wrestling growly voice impresario Chris Lydon. I understand Rosamond Luke, the formerly appointed, then abruptly un-appointed star Tory candidate for the federal riding of Halifax, Year 2008, was not in attendance. Pity, that. Conservative Sen. Michael MacDonald, The Pride of Louisburg, Cape Breton, was pencilled in to attend the Machum/Baillie Pot Luck, but I’m advised a heavy Ottawa workload prohibited his attendance and any chance he had of winning the 50/50 draw. Shame, that. Then again having lost no less than four times at the polls, himself, Sen. Michael MacDonald already has won a lotto of sorts, hasn’t he? Getting “summoned” to the Senate was the only bloody way this joker/fourtime loser was ever goin’ see the corridors of power. In any event, beancounter Jamie, who will turn 44 in April, is a shoo-in to be on the ballot for the October Leadership Bonanza. I mean, hey, you don’t drag out such a high profile gaggle of Big Blue Kuhunas on a Sunday, three days after New Year’s Eve for nothin’! Good heavens, man, it’s not like they all decided on a whim to show up in one of Geoff & Kim Machum’s Marlborough Woods livingroom just to pass the popcorn and watch Mass For Shut-Ins on the big flat screen. Or to check out ex Nancy Regan’s ghost which has long been said to haunt the multi-million dollar pile. Do-do, do-do!!! Seriously, just ask new wife, Kim. She’ll tell ya. Meantime, speaking of prayers and other Tory relics, er, um, Tory deities, 60-year-old insurance salesman Bill Black, like an aged, head-scratching Hamlet, has yet to decide if he is going to enter the leadership bonanza or not. But his new online presence on his New Start Nova Scotia political forum indicates more than a passing interest in joining the YouTube Generation. Mr. Black, the urban hipster It’s a strikingly clever idea for an “undecided.” Not sure it makes Bill Black the very definition of urban hipster, or not, but Mr. Bill, er, um, Mr. Black did get 40 per cent of delegates on side in 2006 when he lost on the second ballot to Cape Breton gym teacher, the aforementioned Rocket Rodney. Nonetheless Black did run in June ’06, like he said he would, in Halifax Citadel losing by 330 votes to N-Dipper Len Preyra. And then, with all the precision of the funeral director dropping the casket lid, Bill Black closed himself off to public viewing. Until last December, when the lid suddenly popped open again. No matter. If the Tories had any sense four years ago, they would have gone with Neil LeBlanc, but no go. Don’t look for Neil, 53, this time around. I’m told our Consul General in Boston is out of the running. Interesting because last time out Neil had some pretty high profile support including: the late Michael Baker, Chris d’Entremont, Bill Dooks, Jim DeWolfe, and Carolyn Bolivar- Getson. (I said “high-profile” NOT brilliant, OK!!!) But this time out sources advise that Neil LeBlanc is very unethusiastic. Party’s too far Jamie Baillie back. Not a snowball’s chance of ever forming another government before the Year 2020. Neil, himself, will be 110 years old by that time. Young, if you’re a sea turtle living off the Galapagos Islands, but too old to woo young voters in Nova Scotia. So, there are a few non-believers out there in N.S. Toyland, er, um, Toryland. Not so Karen Casey, the current PC leader, and a woman with a v. strong disdain for the word “interim.” The Colchester North MLA and grandmother who turns 63 on April 24 wants the job badly. “She has fallen in love with the sound of her own voice and the glare of the spotlight,” one uncommitted Tory source told me. But Grandma Casey’s critics claim her current presence as leader (don’t say “interim”) gives her an unfair advantage over the Bill Blacks and the Jamie Baillies of the world, because she is using her current standing to promote her own visibility and good fortunate. That’s stating the obvious, isn’t it? Moreover, if Grandma Casey, her critics claim, was really an honourable grandma, she would do the honourable thing and resign the post she has enjoyed since June to level the playing field. But Grandma Casey sez she will wait until June to do just that. After she finishes her province-wide walkabout which started in September and wraps up in May. Hell, never thought Nova Scotia was that big. CONTINUED ON PAGE 12 FEBRUARY 16, 2010 ATLANTIC CANADA FRANK 11
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