Frank Magazine Issue 578.pdf - Besthostingplanever.com

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THAT PAGE IN FRANK SO DID YOU HEAR ABOUT MIKE DANTON COMING TO PLAY HERE AT SMU? YEAH, I DON’T KNOW IF I LIKE THE IDEA OF HAVING A CONVICTED CRIMINAL ON OUR TEAM... WERE THIS SOME QUOTIDIAN MATTER OF HOUSING OR EMPLOYMENT THEN PERHAPS SO, BUT AS OUR NATIONAL GAME (BY POPULAR AFFECTION IF NOT OFFICIAL DESIGNATION), ICE HOCKEY BEARS A SYMBOLIC WEIGHT NECESSITATING A HIGHER STANDARD OF CONDUCT AMONG ITS AMBASSADORS TO THE PUBLIC SQUARE. I’M VERY SORRY MIKE, BUT WE ALL VOTED AND WE’VE DECIDED LETTING SOMEBODY LIKE YOU ON OUR TEAM MIGHT BE BAD FOR US. AWW GEE WHIZ FELLAS, THAT’S OKAY. I UNDERSTAND. I GUESS I WOULDN’T WANT A ROTTEN JAILBIRD LIKE ME AROUND EITHER. 28 FEBRUARY 16, 2010 ATLANTIC CANADA FRANK PERSONALLY I WORRY THAT OUR SPORT’S IMAGE RISKS BEING SULLIED THROUGH ASSOCIATION WITH AN INDIVIDUAL OF HIS UNGENTLEMANLY HISTORY. BUT DOESN’T THE FACT THAT HE HAS EXPRESSED CONTRITION AND SERVED HIS DEBT TO SOCIETY ENTITLE HIM TO OUR FORGIVENESS, IN ACCORD WITH THE CHRISTIAN SPIRIT OF OUR SCHOOL’S FOUNDERS? IN SHORT, TO UPHOLD OUR COLLECTIVE MORAL INTEGRITY IT IS INCUMBENT UPON US TO RIGOROUSLY SHUN ALL QUESTION- ABLE ELEMENTS THAT MIGHT, IN EITHER FACT OR APPEARANCE, DIMINISH THIS SPORT’S CHERISHED GOOD NAME AND VIRTUE. SIGH... I DIDN’T LIKE DOING THAT, BUT THERE’S JUST NO PLACE FOR HIS NO-GOOD LAWBREAKING KIND AROUND HERE. I MEAN, YOU REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED WHEN MARTHA STEWART WAS IN GOAL FOR U OF T-- WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT?!? I SUPPOSE I MUST CONCUR. AIYEEEEEEE!!!
DEAR GOD - LOOK! GLORIA MACCLUSKY’S BANNED ALCOHOL FROM PUBLIC FESTIVALS... AND NOW FOR THE FIRST TIME THOUSANDS OF HALIGONIANS ARE DISCOVERING WHAT AN HRM EVENT LOOKS LIKE SOBER! THIS IS TERRIBLE! IF OUR UNIVERSITY IS DESTROYED, 200 YEARS OF HISTORY AND TRADITION WILL BE LOST FOREVER! COUNTLESS EDUCA- TIONS WILL BE TORN ASUNDER! AND WE WON’T GET COOL VARSITY TEAM JACKETS TO PICK UP CHICKS WITH! IF ONLY SOMEBODY COULD STOP IT! AND SOON... MAYBE I CAN HELP! WOW! I DON’T KNOW WHAT HE DID EXACTLY - BUT SUDDENLY ALL THOSE RIOTERS ARE NO LONGER IN THE PICTURE! GASP! MIKE DANTON! ST MARY’S IS SAVED... THANKS TO MIKE DANTON!!! OH NO! ALL THOSE CRAZED NON-DRUNKS ARE SO ENRAGED THEY’RE RIOTING ACROSS THE CITY! THEY’RE TEARING UP THE SMU CAMPUS... SMASHING WINDOWS... OVERTURNING CARS... THEY’VE EVEN THROWN A BUS OFF THE ROOF! LEAPING SWIFTLY INTO ACTION, THE COURAGEOUS EX-CON BOLDLY FLIPS OPEN HIS PHONE AND... HEY, IT’S ME AGAIN. I NEED A... FAVOUR. YEAH, THAT’S RIGHT. UH-HUH. COUPLA HUNDRED MAYBE. OKAY, THANKS. ACTUALLY, I JUST KNOW A GUY AT THE BEER STO- OH WAIT, NO, THAT’S JUST THAT ACADIA LINES DRIVER LOSING CONTROL AGAIN. BUT STILL. YOU KNOW, YOU REALLY TAUGHT US ALL A LESSON TODAY MIKE. IN OUR HIGH-MINDED PREJUDICE WE THOUGHT OUR “MORALS” AND “NON- CRIMINALITY” MADE US BETTER THAN YOU - BUT WHEN THINGS GOT TOUGH, YOU WERE THE ONE WILLING TO DO WHAT NEEDED TO BE DONE! I THINK I SPEAK FOR US ALL WHEN I SAY... I’D BE PROUD TO HAVE YOU ON OUR TEAM. DON’T NEED TO KNOW, MIKE. DON’T NEED TO KNOW. ATLANTIC CANADA FRANK FEBRUARY 16, 2010 29
Page 1 and 2: MORE MORE SOUTH SOUTH END END PONZI
Page 3 and 4: ATLANTIC CANADA FRANK HALIFAX, NOVA
Page 5 and 6: POOR DR. ISLAM’S WORKPLACE, HOMEL
Page 7 and 8: LOOSE LIPS SINK BISHOPS BY CARDINAL
Page 9 and 10: THE KARMA FAIRY STRIKES AGAIN BY A.
Page 11 and 12: THE BIG BLUE KAHUNAS GIVE MR. BAILL
Page 13 and 14: , & THIS HIS HIS, HIS , THAT THAT &
Page 15 and 16: HURRICANE STU HITS SLEEPY LITTLE WI
Page 17 and 18: BRAVE NEW WORLD SPA BY FAYE SHALL T
Page 19 and 20: TRENTONWORKS TRUSTEE TALK BY RAY L.
Page 21 and 22: HOSE WHO’S IN CHARGE BY SMOKEY TE
Page 23 and 24: I SPY WITH MY LITTLE EYE... BY IRIS
Page 25 and 26: Sales manager Chris Conrad, left, a
Page 27: If you continually give, you will c
Page 31 and 32: FAX ANYTIME: (902) 423-0281 LETTERS

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