Second Friend Day - Elmer Towns

accomplishments and be quick to point out their past track record, for it is an indicator of
what they can accomplish in the future. Finally, the fourth step, we must accept them as
they are, even though we are trying to correct them.
3. Let them talk about their problem. When we are trying to help a friend,
the best thing we can do is let them talk. When they ventilate their feelings by telling us
their problem, we have three things on the table. First, we know what they are thinking.
Second, we know what they are feeling. Third, we know what they want.
Because we love them, we listen to them. We do not interrupt, nor do we act as
the "pseudo" counselor, trying to use questions to get to the problem. And we do not
analyze their problem because we know our analysis is not needed.
Why do we let them talk? First, because if they do not get their problem out in
the open, it will color the rest of their perspective. Our friend will continue to look at life
through the problem (making them a pessimist) rather than looking at life through their
potential (which is being an optimist). Secondly, we let them talk because if they do not
see their problem, they will not be able to deal with the real issue. Too many times
problems keep us on the periphery, and we deal with peripheral issues rather than the real
issue involved. The final reason we let them talk is because problems become barriers to
good mental health. They create negative feelings, bitterness, and frustration. Our friend
needs to see their problem through our eyes. Finally, we let them talk because it helps
them face their problem, and when they do they gain the confidence needed to search for
an answer.
4. Give them wise counsel. This is touchy. How do we tell a friend that he is
wrong, that he has to improve, or that he should change his plan of action? We should
not counsel our friends on some problems. We should overlook minor things that do not
have long-range implications. However, at other times we must face our friends with an
issue. Honesty demands that we tell the truth; love demands that we tell it carefully.
Telling the truth carefully is like a mother putting a little sugar in the bad medicine of
life.
We should only tell our friend what they can handle. Sometimes they cannot
handle all of the truth, so we should not dump on them. When we give them more truth
than they can handle, rather than helping them up, we have given them a hernia. A
doctor knows that medicine will help, but he will only give so much at a time. Ten
treatments of chemotherapy may be needed to deal with cancer, but no doctor would give
ten treatments in one day.
Timing is also important when we try to correct a friend. The following
principles will help. First of all, are they receptive? Giving good advice to a friend who
will not receive it is like pouring castor oil over the head of a child. Second, we should
correct our friend when they are optimistic, not depressed. When they are down, they do
not need more bad news. Third, we should give them correction when they are willing to
do something about their problem, not when they are rebellious. Fourth and finally, we
should give them correction when they ask for it. If they never ask for it, we need never
give it.