Gammer Gurton's Needle - Faculty & Staff Web Pages

THE FIRST ACT
The first Scene
Gammer Gurton's Needle 4
[A village street. Gammer Gurton's house is on one side, and Dame Chat's ale-house is on the
other. The time is Saturday evening after sundown.]
Enter Diccon from Gammer Gurton's house.
Diccon: Many a mile have I walked divers and sundry ways,
And many a good man's house have I been at in my days.
Many a gossip's cup in my time I have tasted,
And many a broach 1 and spit have I both turned and basted,
Many a piece of bacon have I had out of their balks, 2
In running over the country with long and weary walks—
Yet came my foot never within those door-cheeks, 3
To seek flesh or fish, garlic, onions, or leeks,
That ever I saw a sort 4 in such a plight 5
As here within this house appeareth to my sight!
[Points at Gammer Gurton's house]
There is howling and scowling, all cast in a dump; 6
With whewling and pewling, as though they had lost a trump; 7
Sighing and sobbing they weep and they wail.
I marvel in my mind what the devil they ail! 8
The old trot 9 sits groaning with "Alas!" and "Alas!"
And Tyb wrings her hands and takes on in worse case, 10
With poor Cocke, their boy. They be driven in such fits
I fear me these folks be not well in their wits.
Ask them what they ail, or who brought them in this staye, 11
They answer not at all but "Alack!" and "Welladay!" 12
When I saw it booted not, out of doors I hied me, 13
And caught a slip of bacon, when I saw that none spied me!
Which I intend not far hence, unless my purpose fail,
Shall serve for a shoehorn to draw on two pots of ale! 14
1
Broach: a spit for roasting meat
2
Balks: tie-beams, rafters; bacon was hung there to protect it from animals . . . and thieves like Diccon.
3
Door cheeks: door jambs
4
Sort: crowd
5
Plight: fix
6
All cast in a dump: everyone is sad
7
With whewling … trump: With moaning and groaning as though they'd lost something vital.
8
What the devil they ail: what the devil ails them.
9
Trot: hag, slut
10
Tyb wrings… worse case: Tyb wrings her hands and behaves even worse.
11
Ask them…staye: If you ask what ails them, or who brought them into this predicament
12
Welladay: Woe is me!
13
When I … me: When I saw it was useless, I took myself outdoors
14
Which I… ale! Which I intend in a few minutes, unless something happens, to trade for two pots of ale.