Gammer Gurton's Needle - Faculty & Staff Web Pages

[Diccon continues:]
God'even, 1 Dame Chat, in faith, and well met in this place!
Gammer Gurton's Needle 42
Chat: Oh, yes, Diccon. Here the old whore, and Hodge that great knave –
But, in faith, I would thou hadst seen! Oh, Lord, I dressed them brave!
She bore 2 me two or three souses 3 behind in the nape of the neck,
'Til I made her old weasand 4 to answer again, "Keck!" 5
And Hodge, that dirty dastard that at her elbow stands –
If one pair of legs had not been worth two pair of hands, 6
He'd had his beard shaven if my nails would have served!
And not without a cause, for the knave it well deserved.
Diccon: By the Mass, I can thee thank, wench, thou didst so well acquit thee!
Chat: And thou'dst seen him, Diccon, it would have made thee beshit thee
For laughter. 7 The whoreson dolt at last caught up a club
As though he would have slain the master devil Beelzebub;
But I sent him soon inside!
Diccon: Even now I saw him last. 8 Like a madman he fared! 9
And swore by heaven and hell he would avenge his sorrow,
And leave you never a hen alive by seven of the clock tomorrow! 10
Therefore, mark what I say, and my words see that ye trust:
Your hens be as good as dead if ye leave them on the roost!
Chat: The knave dare as well go hang himself as step upon my ground!
Diccon: Well, yet take heed, I say! I must tell you my tale round. 11
Have you not about your house, behind your furnace or lead, 12
A hole where a crafty knave may creep in for need? 13
Chat: Yes, by the Mass, a hole broke down even within these two days.
Diccon: Hodge he intends this same night to slip in there-a-ways!
Chat: Oh, Christ, that I were sure of it! In faith, he should have his meed! 14
1
God'even: God give you a good evening
2
Bore: gave
3
Souses: blows
4
Weasand: throat
5
'Til I . . . "Keck!": Until I choked her by the throat until she gasped, "Keck!"
6
If one. . . hands: If he hadn't run away before I could get my hands on him
7
And thou . . . laughter: If you had seen him, Diccon, it would have made you shit yourself by laughing so hard.
8
Even now . . . last: I just now saw him
9
Fared: behaved
10
Diccon lies: "Hodge says that to get even with you, he'll kill all your chickens tonight."
11
Tale round: plain story
12
Lead: ale-pot, a vat used in brewing ale or beer
13
A hole … need?: A hole where a cunning fellow sneak into your house if he needed to?
14
Have his meed: get what's coming to him