Gammer Gurton's Needle - Faculty & Staff Web Pages

THE FIFTH ACT
The First Scene
Gammer Gurton's Needle 46
[Master Bailey, the bailiff (a kind of deputy sheriff)
enters, being led in by Dr. Rat. Scapethrift, Bailey's
servant, is with them]
Bailey: I can perceive none other, I speak it from my heart,
But either ye are in all the fault, or else in the greatest part. 1
D. Rat: If it be counted his fault, besides all his griefs,
When a poor man is spoiled and beaten among thieves,
Then I confess my fault herein at this season;
But I hope you will not judge so much against reason.
Bailey: And methinks 2 by your own tale, of all that ye name,
If any played the thief, you were the very same.
The women, they did nothing, as your words make probation, 3
But stoutly withstood your forcible invasion.
If that a thief at your window to enter should begin,
Would you hold forth your hand and help to pull him in,
Or would you keep him out? I pray you, answer me.
D. Rat: Marry, keep him out, and a good cause why! 4
But I am no thief, sir, but an honest, learned clerk. 5
Bailey: Yea, but who knoweth that when he meets you in the dark?
I am sure your learning shines not out at your nose.
Was it any marvel though the poor woman arose
And start[ed] up, being afraid of 6 that was in her purse?
Methink you may be glad that your luck was no worse.
D. Rat: Is this not evil enough, I pray you as you think?
[He bends over to show Master Bailey the lumps and
bruises on his head]
Bailey: Yea, but a man in the dark, if chances do wink, 7
As soon he smites his father as any other man,
Because for lack of light discern him he ne can. 8
Might it not have been your luck with a spit to have been slain?
1
Bailey says that in his opinion, Dr. Rat is most to blame – after all, he broke into Dame Chat's house.
2
Methinks: It seems to me
3
Make probation: provide the proof
4
Good cause why: for a good reason
5
Clerk: cleric, preacher; it was pronounced clark.
6
Afraid of: worried about
7
If chances do wink: if it so happens
8 Ne can: cannot