issue #02 pdf - Razorcake

Well it looks like we all made it
to the magnificent second issue of
Razorcake, which I must say is
great. So it's been two months since
we last chatted, so let's see what has
happened. I personally have been
sitting at home nursing a hernia
surgery and boy let me tell you that
it's not really the injury itself or the
operation but red tape of bureaucracy
that takes up your down time.
Now that I know what not to do, if
this happens again I'll know what to
do. For instance, say you want to
know exactly what a hernia is, read
the pamphlet in the office, don't ask
the surgeon because he doesn't have
time for you and will give you a
vague response. Here's another
problem the amount of time off.
Take six weeks because your doctor
nor the surgeons know what
you do for a living and will
send you back to work early
and then when you need
more time off, you go
through more red tape to get
your disability pay.
Now, let's see, what else
there is for me to gripe
about? Oh here we go, I
believe I made it known that
I'm a golf nut, right, and
since I've been home for five
weeks with an injury, I've
had to do my golf with television
and couch. Here's my
problem, Tiger Woods. It's
not enough that everyone
wants to make a buck off
this guy in the business and
blows Tiger sunshine into
everybody's cranium, but for goodness
sakes why do they have to help
this crybaby, egotistical, fist pumping,
get out of my way before I
push you of the bridge kid, I
thought I told you not to take my
picture, I can't acknowledge the
fans, jerk. Four tournaments back
on the final hole, Mickelson hits his
drive and loses 20 yards because
some old man serving as an official
can't get out of the way, so he has to
settle for laying up and getting a
great par. Now Tiger hits his drive
on the same hole horribly yet some
beer drinking yuppie and his brain
dead girlfriend, wife, whatever
12 keep his ball from
Squeeze My Horn
...this rockabilly-looking ghost and his girlfriend challenge them to a race... a race for their souls.
The race doesn't happen and the two go off for some waffles.
Young Gary. Devil in Converse.
going out of bounds, and on top of
that she picks up the ball, (Who
knows why? Maybe to prove to her
husband that this indeed was the
projectile that made you spill your
Bud draft.) This gives Woods a free
drop and a great opportunity to win
the tournament. You know, I'd be a
great golfer if I had a wall of people
to hit at and lessen the probability
that my ball would go out of
bounds.
Here's another thing, most
golfers on tour didn't sign a giant
contract with Nike before they ever
hit a PGA event so they have to
play it safe each tournament so as
to receive a check each week,
because the difference between second
and sixth is a whole lot of
money. OK, did I spend enough
time on my sports report? You bet!
What does this have to do with
comics you ask? Well nothing, but
maybe you will find my rants comical.
On the subject of comics, I've
seemed to have lost contact with
my supplier of independent comics,
so if anyone out there can steer me
right, please oblige me. It seems
that right now everything pertaining
to comics and toys are in a lull,
so there's not much to report,
though I did see in passing that
someone put out a bizarre series of
figures of Alice in Wonderland. If I
see more, I'll be sure to turn people
onto them. Well, that's it for now, so
see if any of these comics seem to
hit you where it tickles.
Later.
ALL STAR COMICS -
ARCHIVE EDITIONS
Reprints
DC All Star comics #3-#6
$49.95 US, $59.95 Canada
The reason I'm even telling
you about this one is
because I got it for half off
the cover price at one of
the Super Crown book
stores that are going out of
business. I'd seen these
before and to be absolutely
truthful this is the only
way, unless you're filthy
stinkin' rich, that you can
read an actual golden age
comic from the 1940s.
Hell, even at 50 dollars this could
be considered a steal. As far as I
know there are, at the moment, 20
or 30 of these hard back books out,
and all of them reprint the actual
comics right down to the ads that
ran in them - you know, super
prizes for selling Christmas cards
or toy bombers for a dollar fifty and
who can forget the 100 army men
in a locker for a dollar. The great
thing, however, is how corny the
way things were written 50 or 60
years ago. Take, for example, the
dialogue of criminals. If I were
introduced to the criminal element
only through these comics, I would
come to the conclusion that anyone
who had a New York accent was a
crook. Example: "He gives me a
hunnerd bucks an' does a tousand
bucks wortha damage! Wotta
nerve!" and now the spell check on
my computer is going nuts. Another
thing is how easily the criminals
give up even if they out number the
superhero. They even go to jail
willingly. Of course that was a simpler
time and everything was cut
and dry, the medium was also used
as means of raising pride in the
youth of America against the Nazis,
though they refer to them as gray
shirts. It seems that comics have
come a long way in 60 years, yet
many of these same heroes are
around today, though DC, not too
long ago, went for a big youth
movement. Today's DC characters
have to play a more cerebral role.
Hell, most of the superhero comics
today are merely soap opera digests
(characters with larger than life
problems and a story line that's
continued next month) - stars trying
to win acceptance in a increasingly
competitive market. But does this
stop me from reading them? The
answer is no. I did it as a kid I'll do
it now, and besides I don't think the
interaction is as mind-numbing as
interactive computer or arcade type
games. You know, "Ozzy, or Laura
Croft told me to take a gun to
school." Come on, man you have to
now how to use the on/off switch.
OCCUPATIONAL HAZARDS
CD Comics, $2.95 US, $4.25
Canada, 2 pounds UK
Occupational hazards is a comic
written as a benefit for the comic
book legal defense fund, an organization
set up to protect first amendment
rights by fighting censorship
in comics. So basically this one is a
one shot deal. The basis of the
comic is the strangest thing that has
happened to various comic writers
and/or artist that were interviewed
by the guy that put this comic
together. At first I thought this was
going to be a dud, but after reading
it in its entirety it's really downright
frickin' funny. Maybe it's because
so many fans get to caught up in the
comics or maybe because too many
people don't take the time to think