issue #02 pdf - Razorcake

thought. Like everything. We realized we
weren't really prepared for it. Everything
before was kind of like a joke or not really
serious. Like the name. It just kind of set a
pattern for us, I guess.
Sean: Why do you think people always ask
you the same five questions? Any theories?
Dave: I don't know, but that's a very good
question. A lot of times, when those questions
are asked of us, it's zines that kids are
starting out and they don't really know a lot
about us. And we'll answer them. We won't
always answer them correctly, but we'll
answer them.
Sean: Is it true that you used to be in
Monkeywrench?
Dave: I was in another band called
Monkeywrench, but not the Monkeywrench.
I was never in a band with Tim Kerr or Tom
Price. Tom Price is my guitar hero. Tom
Price of Gas Huffer and U-Men. You know
who Tom Price is?
Sean: Yeah.
Dave: He may not be all Yngve or whatever,
but he's got the perfect style. Tom Price
actually signed me to Empty. When we did
"Masonic Youth," that was one of my personal
main perks: I'm gonna meet Tom
Price. And I did. And me and him just kind
of like, giggled at each other. He was one of
the nicest, coolest guys, not used to stardom
or whatever. And maybe he's not a star, but
I fucking worship the guy. He taught me
how to play so much of the shit that I do
now, which is standard Chuck Berry leads
hidden within rhythms. Just kind of flowing
with everything. And he's not too flashy, not
too tacky, but he's brilliant. He's brilliant. I
love Tom Price to death.
Sean: Well, talking about influences, are
any of your moves on stage influenced by
professional wrestlers?
Dave: Probably.
Sean: Because you look like you're trying
to jump off the ropes and onto the stage
sometime.
Dave: Like I'm the general and you're the
enemy and this is the battle. Right, right.
Well me and Ron are big on Rick Flair. You
know, the Woo! and all. I don't know.
(Pause while he thinks it over) Of course.
Of course I'm influenced by professional
wrestling. I just never think about it. Which
is good, because if I did, then I would be
really lame. It would be preconceived.
But, um, are you familiar with Incredibly
Strange Wrestling? I know the El Homo
Loco. That motherfucker is crazy. No, for
real, he's got some nutty, nutty moves. I saw
a serious lucha libre when I visited my
father's family in Mexico. My mother's in
America. And I was visiting some family
down there and I saw a straight up fist fight.
Like a real fight with masks and shit and
everyone doing craziness. It was amazing. I
mean, we don't have enough tape for me to
describe the glory of that experience. Oh my
God. But suffice to say, yeah, I love the
fuck out of wrestling.
Sean: I can see that. Last year when you
guys were on tour with Dillinger Four, did
you have any catastrophes?
Dave: Yeah.
Sean: Do you want to tell me about them?
Dave: How much tape do you got?
Todd: There was a rumor you had a black
cloud tied to the bumper of your trailer.
Dave: Yeah, well, our drummers had a situation
going on, and, let's see. Okay, okay.
The best story with Dillinger Four and us on
tour was, we're driving to St. Louis and the
Situated alcohol fetal?… I
wrote that song about
how certain girls have
major crushes on ugly
guys. Like Supergrass…
Guys who look like fetal
alcohol syndrome victims.
whole time before that, our vans are on the
freeway, visibly in contact with each other
so any time we come close and we make
faces or whatever. It's a very long drive
through Texas and at some point, we lose
those guys. In the middle of nowhere, we
see this huge, three-story roadside attraction
selling fireworks and funny tomahawks and
cap guns and stuff. So we're in there for an
hour, just fucking around because we're
bored. We come out and we're walking up
to our van and we're like, "Is that smoke
coming out of the side window of our van?
No, it can't be smoke. That would be crazy.
That would be fire, right?" We walk up to
the van, and our van has been completely
terrorized. Someone jimmied open the side
window and stuffed pizza in it and it's all
over our shit. Someone lit a smoke bomb
and there's nothing but smoke inside our
van. And on the front windshield,
in toothpaste - D4.
So, yeah, we're furious.
We're like, those bastards.
This is the last straw. We go
back into the roadside. We
buy so many bottle rockets
and roman candles and hide
them in our pant legs and
jacket sleeves. We see them
and they're like, "You guys,
we got you." "Yeah, you got
us good," you know, giving
them the elbow. The whole
show, we're like, "You won.
You're the best. You're the
gods." Then, they start playing
the first song. They're
marauded on all sides by
fucking bottle rockets.
Todd: How'd they take it?
Dave: Well, they wrestled
me to the ground on stage in
front of a bunch of kids
while Billy (the D4 guitarist)
played the fucking
theme from "Deliverance."
You know, and they're chasing
this little Mexican
(Dave) around, those big old
beefy guys. They got me.
Paddy's screaming in my
ear, "Take his pants down.
Take his pants down."
Luckily, they couldn't
maneuver my belt. Anyway,
yeah, we kind of got even, I
like to think. It was a fun
tour. Those Dillinger Four
guys, they're bastards, but
we love them.
Sean: Okay, I want to ask
you about something you
said a long time ago. Well,
someone said this about
you, "Being on tour with
Scared of Chaka is like
being on tour with the cast
of 'Hee-Haw' when Benny
Hill's driving the van."
Dave: You're talking about Janelle.
Sean: Do you want to explain that comment?
Dave: No (laughs). I mean, everyone wants
to have fun on tour. The last thing you want
to do with some band is show up, all right,
we're gonna play two hours, all right,
where's our rider, all right let's go back
stage, hang out, you know? I
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