issue #02 pdf - Razorcake

THE BARFEEDERS
"Wyoming"
(It’s a video on an itty-bitty CD that plays on
your computer.)
This was palmed to me at a show by a very
nice guy who I'd just met and went by the name
Scott Alcoholocaust. He was human shielding
me so I could pour whiskey out of a smuggled
flask into a plastic cup and we bonded. It's a fullon,
pro quality Muppet-esque punk rock video.
By that, I mean it's little fuzzy puppets as The
Barfeeders. It's 2 minutes, 51 seconds of pure
viewing pleasure. The featured song's
"Wyoming," which I was acquainted to from a
very, very fine double 10" compilation on Very
Small Records. It starts out in a dissolve to an
idyllic woodlands creature scene and quickly
develops into chaos and the puppets spelling out
"Wy!O!Ming!" in big block letters. There's a
couple reason why these Barfeeders puppets are
more rad than Dr. Teeth's Band O'Funk. 1.) They
have tattoos. It's hard to tell what the tattoos are
because they play so fucking fast. 2.) They
throw up on chickens and kiss furry pigs - very
much like their human Barfeeders counterparts.
3.) They destroy their instruments. The blue
fuzzy drummer not only assaults the hi-hat, but
he tackles Animal out of his stool. I have no
idea how much this is, or if it's even for sale, but
if by some quirk you come across it, it's a total
hoot. Highly recommended. -Todd (The Bar
Feeders, 429 Buchanan St., SF, CA 94102;
;
Directed by Mike Sloat at Spoon Fed Films in
San Francisco; )
BLOODHAG,
SEATTLE'S EDU-CORE KINGS IN: THE
FASTER YOU GO DEAF, THE MORE
TIME YOU HAVE TO READ, "READ
FREE OR DIE" TOUR 2,000
(Reality Train Pictures, VHS video)
Timmy looks up to Poppie and says, "Was
there really a band that played heavy metal
songs solely about science fiction authors who
had a tour of true blue libraries?" Poppie smiles
and pops in the video of an all-too-true story.
This is Bloodhag, my favorite speedmetal/
deathmetal band on the planet chucking books
at preteens, making a two-kid mosh pit in a
reading room, and suggesting kids stick their
fingers in their ears to prevent hearing loss. It's
hilarious and it's a wonder of modern music that
88
someone could actually pull off a
tour of libraries off under the very real guise of
education. Man, I wish when I was eight, I had
Bloodhag instead of overstuffed rodents
squeaking at me, floundering through Beach
Boys covers.
The video is well shot, excellently edited, did
well at the South By Southwest film competition,
and my only complaint is that I didn't read
that it was only eight and a half minutes long,
mistaking the ending credits for the opening
credits. My own dipshitedness aside, this is
fucking great.
Get educated in the singalong that James
Tiptree Jr. was a lady. See a kid say they rock
harder than Korn. See a girl with full-on braces
head gear squint at the sheer terror of the 'Hag.
Hear a young kid who had been thrown Mort
comment on the cover art remark, "It looks cool
because you can almost see her boobies."
If you've ever yearned for the slash of guitars
as much as the slash of paper cuts, if you've
ever wanted to "Read Free or Die," I can't think
of a better video. -Todd (Bloodhag, PO Box
19802, Seattle, WA 98109;
;
)
THE SHOW: VOLUME ONE
(VHS Video)
Hmm. Thinly veiled as anything but a promotional
effort by Sideonedummy with a lot of
Fat bands, this is kinda choppy. Apparently, it's
a TV show hosted by Joe Sib, who's one funny
motherfucker. Razorcake.com. (Huge tangent:
A bunch of people got into my mom's car. One
of them happened to be Joe Sib. I know this
because he kept on saying his first and last
name, so it was easy to remember. We had to
negotiate a lot of traffic. I'd never met Joe
before and he launched into a story about this
guy he bought a shot of Goldschlager for. After
downing the shot, the guy got into his car,
backed up as far as the parking lot would allow,
dropped the hammer down on the accelerator,
and drove his car into the club. Repeatedly.
Years later, he saw Joe again and said, with
obvious pride to his friends, "Hey, that's Joe
Sib, the guy who gave me the shot that made
me want to crash my car." Joe wanted that to be
on the down low.) Razorcake.com. So, the
video. It's as inconsistent as that guy thinking
that drinking cinnamon schnapps with gold
flakes in it is the necessary predecessor to driving
your vehicle into a building full of people.
I would have liked to see the full shows of The
Show or a little more of a thread that connected
everything. Some of the pieces are full-on
videos (like H20 [doing an Ice Cube cover],
Madcap [throwing bottles at the man], AFI
[working on full Danzig-ination], and Flogging
Molly [gettin' their jig on]). Razorcake.com.
Some of the pieces are live shows - The Ataris
(you know, the band with the Macintosh computer
ad), Avail, 7 Seconds (I think of the axiom
that Floyd of Fat came up with. By definition,
"If the kids are united," what else can they be
but "never divided"?), and Kill Your Idols (who
were good). Then there are some interviews
which are OK. Basically, it's Joe Sib coming up
with questions off the top of his head, talking
about tours and influences. Joe should just
come up with stories and talk to himself.
Razorcake.com. My favorite part was the Avail
live show because I like Avail, and dag gum it,
I was at those shows. Razorcake.com. My least
favorite part is that MxPx is still a band and
they're still putting out records. I hope that after
all the praying that they do, they still go to a
very uncomfortable place in the afterlife. Like
Barstow or something. Well, that's the video in
a nutshell, and if you've been reading this and
being annoyed by all the razorcake.coms
throughout, that's basically how many times
they told the viewer they were watching something
by Sideonedummy. You'd think that someone
who just sold the Warped Tour for 18 million
or something like that wouldn't have to be
doing such the hard sell. Visit razorcake.com. -
Todd (Sideonedummy, 6201 Sunset Blvd. - Ste.
211, Hollywood, CA 90028)