issue #02 pdf - Razorcake

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you brain damage, that using it will cause you to go out and shoot 20 people in an orgy of violence, that it will make you into some sort of weirdo [quick cut to "Cheers" star Woody Harrelson]. Well, That's a bald-faced lie. Many famous Americans have grown or smoked hemp throughout the years. People like George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, and Louis Armstrong. Studies have also shown that people who drink alcohol are more prone to violence than their counterparts who are [make "quotation" hand gesture] "stoned" out of their gourds. But who really cares what the experts say. You be the judge. How many times have you seen two guys get into a fistfight over the last hit of a joint? How many times have you heard someone on trial for rape or murder give a confession that runs along the lines of, 'Well, your honor, I was pretty drunk when I sodomized that mannequin and shot my dad's Buick…' I rest my case. This says nothing of the statistics that show that stoned drivers are less likely to be involved in fatal driving accidents because it's danged near impossible to kill someone when you're cruising at a cool three miles an hour. So, ladies and gentlemen, let's get out of the dark ages. Let's legalize marijuana. It's safe. It's better for you than drinking. It's the American way [fade out with actor lighting the bowl of a hookah pipe with the Grateful Dead playing in the background]." I guarantee you that the Surgeon General and all those whiny anti-pot do-gooders won't know what hit 'em. Lastly, I want to share with you an idea for playing up America's image as the most powerful nation on Earth. The television ad basically consists of a series of grainy black and white shots that fade on and off of the screen in timed intervals. The first is a picture of Three Mile Island. The next is of dead ducks covered with oil and a sinking tanker in the background. In a voice-over, President George Bush II assures the public that America's economic interests are more important than the environmental health of the planet. The next series of photos are of Leonard Peltier, Judi Bari and Karen Silkwood shown in quick succession, coupled with a sound bite from another high-ranking official stating that the greatest thing about America is that its people have a right to speak their minds. Finally, the screen is covered with pictures of wounded and dead people from Hiroshima, My Lai, Kent State, Nicaragua, El Salvador, Guatemala, Alabama, Mississippi, the Philippines and Okinawa, as well as snapshots of famous American Indians, both in life and death. As the screen goes black, former President George Bush I can be heard saying, "America will not tolerate aggression from one country toward another." The last image, in white on a black screen, is the words "America. Be glad you've still got a country." I figure if we beamed that little ditty all over the world, we wouldn't have to worry about a war for some time. Who woulda thought working in advertising would be so fun? I hope someone hires me soon. YADDA YADDA YADDA I would like to publicly rescind my rather chilly review of the latest Briefs album. After much listening, I found it so enjoyable that I seem unable to pry it from my player. It rates a 99 on the Skank-O-Meter, and is blessed with nary a lousy song. Sorry, guys, if my being a jerk adversely affected you in any way. What does Jesus say when he wants to take his name in vain? Say he smashes his finger with a hammer. Does he say "Sweet me, that hurt"? Why don't any of her psychic friends tell Dionne Warwick, "I see that doing these commercials for the Psychic Friends Network are effectively putting your singing career in the shitcan?" If they're so damn psychic, why didn't they warn her in the first place? Now that the rest of the Dead Kennedys have apparently won the rights to their song catalog from Jello Biafra, I guess that we can all expect to see oodles of Levis ads with "Holiday in Cambodia" blaring in the background. I wonder if the irony of that idea will be missed by the execs that okay its usage. Will they bother paying attention to the lyrics? Anyway, that's one more song I'll probably never listen to again, right up there with SLF's "Gotta Getaway" the Buzzcocks' "What Do I Get?" and Black Flag's "Rise Above." Pity. I was thinking about getting 'em on CD, too. Salacious salutations to Yogi, Goose, "Guam Boy" and all the guys at Ceilings Plus, who have made the painless segue from that OTHER magazine to Razorcake. Sorry that the fish porno thing didn't pan out last issue. I know you guys were really looking forward to it. Tune in next issue when the topic of discussion is whether Superman or Godzilla would win a death match. Get back at the other by being extra hard on yourself, -Jimmy Cannabis It’s the right thing to smoke
All the little grommets, skate punks, MunchSkin grrls, the black-haired/pale skin types, the romulans, the messy haired artists and the '70s types all seemed to say "Joey did this," or at least had something to do with it. I found this in my pocket, Tuesday afternoon, April 17, 2001. It's reproduced exactly how I found it. Keep in mind I also found that I had spent 97 bucks at the bar this was written on double whiskys: "I'm in a place called Mars Bar on 2nd. Ave. in NYC. Last night I was in a town in PA drinking beer with Leatherface and I went for a piss. Big Rock told me as I left the bathroom that Joey Ramone had passed. None of us know why. It didn't matter. Joey Ramone... What can I say. I'm in New York at a bar because of him. 1,2,3,4 and it's all I can do to start a band, listen to punk rock, and go on tour doing sound. I live in San Diego. 3,000 miles from home because some asshole said "gabba gabba we accept you as one of us." One of us... I've nothing in this life but punk rock. How stupid when you think about it. It was because of that ugly cretin light bulb head bastard that I'm here. Every artist, every college radical, every punk, every skin, everyone without their original hair color, everyone who has raised their middle finger. Every single person whoYOU have said "hi" to is here because that asshole said "now I want to have something to do." It’s because of you. 'Night Joey, see you soon." The last show of the Leatherface tour this year was in Chicago. For some unknown reason we had to drive to New Jersey to drop off our van. The Boat was leaving out of JFK. Easter Sunday we were shacked up in a hotel in some nameless town three hours outside of NYC in PA when I heard the news from our tour manager, "Big Rock." The next day it was agreed that we run by CBGB's and have a drink in his honor. Luckily, we weren't the only ones. We first stood outside for an hour or so and just stared at the shrine. Covered in hand-written and computer-generated tributes, candles, beer bottles, 40 oz bottles and flowers, the shrine read "Joey Lives." A group of 30 or so people stood in near 10 silence outside snap- ping pictures, lighting candles and occasionally having a look around at the other mourners. I made eye contact with few people. We were all the same, affected in a most unusual way by the thing that is RAMONES. Most of them had leather jackets on. One person had left theirs on the windowsill outside CB's. I found my one guitar pick that had survived with me on tour and flinged it at the mess. The last thing we did together on the tour was stand by the stage inside CBGBs and have a drink for Joey. I do seem to remember scrawling the above in the midst of some tirade against the New York nightlife types, at least the ones I have come into contact with in the last few days I spent in NYC. I can What can I say. I'm in New York at a bar because of him. 1,2,3,4 and it's all I can do to start a band, listen to punk rock, and go on tour doing sound. I live in San Diego. 3,000 miles from home because some asshole said "gabba gabba we accept you as one of us."
Page 2 and 3: PO Box 42129 Los Angeles, CA 90042
Page 4 and 5: JOEY RAMONE SAD TO SEE YOU GO Just
Page 6 and 7: PBJ (make your own peanut butter an
Page 10 and 11: only take so much of the plastic ph
Page 12 and 13: that make their actions grace the p
Page 14 and 15: Illustration by Illustr8dman; "We
Page 16 and 17: there a band called "Bobby Gillespi
Page 18 and 19: Records/O.C. photographer supreme)
Page 20 and 21: sugar bowl," it'll be Jerry Lee (to
Page 22 and 23: Dinghole Report #5: Ruckus at La Pu
Page 24 and 25: PM and Taco Bell on every corner. T
Page 26 and 27: Gradually, over the course of the n
Page 28 and 29: esponsible? If I really wanted to s
Page 30 and 31: Resistance. The New had a singer ca
Page 32 and 33: Decker: I mean, that's what everyon
Page 34 and 35: Kaa: I wasn't yearning for that muc
Page 36 and 37: thought. Like everything. We realiz
Page 38: Dave: It lasted for a long time. Th
Page 48 and 49: Matt: We make accordions cool $ (ps
Page 50 and 51: A SHORT ANATOMY OF FANDOM How Leath
Page 52 and 53: "When at a weak point or time of su
Page 54 and 55: 999 “English Wipeout” CD Two li
Page 56 and 57: iot like The Clash (“kill Bob Seg
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with such thundering almighty balls
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HALF JAPANESE “Hello” CD God, I
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LA before moving north to SF. J Chu
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or Husker Du album was coming out,
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“Black Monk Time” kills, but th
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way to start off the new millennium
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of the Swell Maps is so damn unique
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siast co-conspirators whose efforts
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five bands play hardcore of varying
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Send all zines for review to Razorc
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THE WAR AGAINST OBLIVION: THE ZAPAT
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THE BARFEEDERS "Wyoming" (It’s a
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