A Cellarful of Nose - Future Shoes

fathers of Cuero, Texas challenged the city fathers of Worthington
to an annual race, between their fastest turkey, always named
Ruby Begonia, and our turkey, always called Paycheck. The two
birds would run down the street, and whichever one of them
managed to run in the straightest line would be declared the
winner, and disgrace and ignominy was the loser's lot.
Much of the festivity of this race devolved from the common
perception that turkeys are none too bright, even for birds –
particularly the big whites that farmers in Worthington and Texas
raised, an overbred, meat-heavy gene pool known more for their
affinity with sage dressing than any other kind of sagacity.
The big whites are so front heavy with breats meat that they
are unable to have ordinary sexual intercourse. To breed, they
must de deseminated, a task which has filled many a dreamy
farmboy's workday afternoons, and strengthened many a
yeoman's wrist.
But this story is older than that, and goes to the first
implementation of electrical lights in the long sheds that the
turkeys wintered in.
A bare light bulb was placed in the middle of each shed. The
idea was that the radiant heat of the bulb would keep the
temperature of the shed from dropping below 25 degrees below
zero, when all turkey life ceases.
During the early weeks of winter, the bulb worked fine,
creating a warm aura that the turkeys clustered around to keep off
the cold. It also allowed the turkeys to see one another at night,
which was a social plus, although one which we cannot do into