MASTER MECHANICS

88 LAKIN@LARGE europa star
Bling’s craptastic, but patience pays!
I was strolling around the vast refurbished watch
section in Selfridges, London, when a large hand
grabbed my shoulder and spun me round. “Hey
man, you ‘member me?”
Standing more than a head and shoulders taller than
me with his dazzling smile that flashed more ivory
than a Steinway piano, was Leroy Hornblower, a
black American I met some years ago in Rome. His
hip look back then at the height of the bling era was
jeans, shirt open to the navel to reveal gold chains
accompanied by a blinding diamond-set gold watch
on the wrist. Now, before me stood a man with the
sartorial elegance of a successful businessman:
striped blue suit, light blue button down shirt with a
royal blue tie, double cuffs held together with what appeared to be white
gold cuff links set with a single blue sapphire, completed by a stainless
steel Royal Oak wristwatch with a blue dial.
The transformation was surprising and I sought the reason.
“Bling’s out man, it’s craptastic.” he explained, “Elegance is cool.
Would ya believe I’m in sales now?”
“Selling what and where Leroy?”
“Watches in the Big Apple man, where else?”
Over a beverage in one of Selfridges’ coffee shops, Leroy told me about
how a friend of his managed one of the biggest watch stores in New
York and asked him to come and work for him on the condition that he
changed his look from the outmoded bling to the cool man-abouttown.
Weeks later, having donned a suit and tie, quickly learned what
makes a watch tick and read the sales manual, he soon became the
emporium’s leading salesman.
“So what are you doing in London Leroy?”
“I’m buyin’ a coupla yo’ beeespoke English suits man,” he says with a
nod and a smile.
“You must be earning a bundle then Leroy,” I suggested.
“You betta believe it baby!” he mumbled, giving another of his piano
key grins.
I asked if it was his imposing size and blinding smile that influenced
the punters. “Hey no, man. I’m as cool as I ever was, but I gotta gimmick:
I listen, I suggest and I show a whole lotta patience.”
As an explanation, Leroy told me about a customer he had just before
he came over to London who came into the store and gazed around
open-mouthed at the vast collections of watches in the showcases.
“So I coolly mosey over to him and quietly ask if I can help and he toll
me he was lookin’ for a sporty watch. So I ask him what for and he
toll me his grandpa gave him some money and … so I say sorry sir, I
mean what do you want to use the watch for? He
looks at me weird like I’m a crazy and says, ‘to tell
the time.’
“So this is where my patience shtick clicks in man.
I explain about all the different things I learned,
like watches with moon phases and power reserve
and chronographs and tourbillons and he looks
like he’s in the middle of the desert without a
camel. So I show him the Omega moon watch and
he shakes his head tellin’ me ain’t into heights
‘cos he gets vertigo.
“So I show him a TAG Heuer Monaco and tell him
that Steve McQueen wore one driving a Porsche in
the movies and he toll me that’d be no good since he
don’t drive.Well, here I can feel my ol’ patience being pushed a bit so I say
hey, what about a Panerai Luminor Submersible, give the spiel about all
the functions and how it’s water-resistant to 300 metres and he gives me
a real pale look and says he gets seasick in boats. So I say how‘bout a diving
watch then and he say nope, can’t swim.
“So then with my patience really strained, I go through our range: golf
watch – he’s gotta bad back; a Breitling – he scared a flyin’; Hublot Big
Bang – man, wouldya’ believe he’s got Loud Noise Phobia; a Seiko –
he wanna Swiss piece; an all black Bell & Ross Phantom – black ain’t
his colour; a Rolex – he’s scared a being’ mugged. So then I put it to
him that maybe he should forget about sports watches and he says, no
way, he gotta impress his new lady friend and he makes for the door.
“Suddenly he stops in front of the Longines’ display, smiles and points
to a photo of Andre Agassi wearin’ a watch from the Master Collection
and says ‘That one. That’s the one for me!’ So after a coupla hours,
cool as ya like, I make the sale. He pays and I say, hey man, what made
you choose this particular watch? So he goes, ‘Well, it’s Andre Agassi.’
So I nod like yea what else, give him my thank you smile and he goes,
‘He’s bald, just like me!’”
A quick bone-crunching handshake, another Steinway beamer and Leroy
was off to Saville Row for a fitting. It seems patience really does pay!
D. Malcolm Lakin
Roving Editor