Aries June 2014

1TEASE
IT OUT
Flirty banter over beers and a game
of Big Buck Hunter, hips grazing
as you push your way up to the
bar, those hungry eyes...drunk sex
is marked by a heated buildup that
culminates in ripping each other’s
clothes off, banging into furniture,
and tripping your way to the bed.
Cultivate that feelings of anticipation
by planting a sexy seed. “I
texted my boyfriend at work that I
was wearing sexy red underwear
he loves,” says Alexander, 28. “We
were both champing at the bit by
the the time we got home.” Whether
it’s a look you give him in the
pharmacy or a quick make-out
in the hallway, do something that
serves as the appetizer to really
wild, (faux) waste-y sex.
CREATE 2A
(BLURRY)
VISION
When you picture a bar (a nice one,
not your local watering hole), you
probably see good-looking people
rubbing elbows in an intimate,
dimly lit space. That sets the mood
for things to come...Bring that sexy,
hazy feeling into your own boudoir
(must be said with an exaggerated
French accent) with a red lightbulb.
As one reviewer on Amazon.com
says, “Not much of a light scource,
but sets the tone in a dark room
where you are enjoying anyting
that’s cool to do in a dark room.”
That’s the kind of review that’ll
make you click Add to Cart without
thinking twice.
3RELOCATE
The novelty of getting it on in and out of the ordinary space mimics
the rush of alcohol-assisted sex. “I used to prefer drunk sex
to sober sex, but since I’ve made the effort to have more sober
sex, my boyfriend and I have since been trying it in the craziest
places—like on top of a picnic table by the lake,” says Robert, 22.
“We replaced the adrenaline factor of getting drunk with the risk
factor of getting caught.” If you’re a play it safe kinda of guy, do
it in a different room of the house, in the shower, on the floor, or
against the wall. Or try a hotel room —you will reap the novelty
benefits, without having to explain yourselves to an officer of the
law while half-naked.
DROWN OUT
AWKWARD
BODY
NOISES
When you are all liquored up, it’s easy
to not give a damn. Whether you haven’t
been to the gym in a while or you
fart so loud your neighbors hear it, it’s
NBD. To channel that carefree attitude,
create an environment where the sex
sounds are not skanky. Music is a key
part of that. “Silence can be a scary
thing,” says Jayme Waxman, author of
Hot Sex, “You hear the bed creaking
or focus on the weird sex sounds your
bodies are making. Drown that out
with a play-list that makes you want to
move in a seductive way.”
4UNLEASH THE
BADASS
WITHIN
The whole point of drinking before sex
is to help you let go of your inhibitions,
so do something that signals to him
and to your brain that things could get
a little out of hand. 5A few moves that
work like Jager-bombs: A well timed
expletive (“that feels so f&^%ing
good” right as he enters you), your
nails in his back, or grabbing a tuft
of his hair while you kiss him. Drunk
sex is like really good cardio—you are
rolling around, flushed, sweaty, and out
of breath. So initiate postion changes
to up the physicality. He may be surprised,
but it’ll make him want to up
the ante too.
6BREAK OUT YOUR
NIGHT MOVES
There’s soemthing about the middle of the night that feels illicit,
so next time you wake up at 2 a.m. to pee, don’t go back to
sleep—go to town on him instead. Fall into that bleary-eyed, no
words needed kind of hookup that’s the touchstone of drunk sex.
Because you’ll be in a slightly dreamy state, the next morning
will feel almost the same: Did that really happen...or did I imagine
it? Knowing you can rock his world at any given moment is a
bigger turn-on for both of you than three vodka sodas on Friday
night.
79 ARIES / JUNE 2014