RELATIONSHIPS <strong>The</strong> Mystery of Dating By Lisa Minns Those of you who have read my column on a regular basis know that my dating life has been chock full of highs and lows, good endings, bad break-ups, and a multitude of “did that really just happen” moments. I’m not necessarily complaining though because if it weren’t for all of those experiences, I wouldn’t fully appreciate or recognize a good guy when he comes along. Recently though, there has been one mystery that I can’t seem to solve. <strong>The</strong>re’s a certain guy who has been in my life on and off for about a year now. Although we’ve never formally dated, he has been the subject of at least two articles so far. First, let me give you a quick background. We met when I was working on an article, and, because of that, our paths crossed again a few months later. <strong>The</strong>re was some playful flirtation and I thought that I might have a real date coming my way soon, but as luck would have it, I learned through a third party that he was already involved with someone else. We’ve never dated since I do not get involved with men in relationships (that definitely goes for the married ones as well!). We kept in touch on and off though. We would see each other at happy hours and other events. We text messaged. Fast forward a few months, and we cross paths again. Now he’s single. It seems his relationship just didn’t work out. <strong>The</strong> picture had changed. Or, so I thought. No longer was he off limits. I saw that there was a real possibility for “us”, if he made the effort. <strong>The</strong>re were a couple of pseudo-dates (outings that didn’t start out as dates, but sort of ended up as them), but soon it became clear that his degree of interest in me was not nearly at the level it was when he was in another relationship. Hmm…this brings me to the mystery, folks. Why is it that men always want what they can’t have, but when they can have it, they just don’t want it Yes, I’ve heard that women are just as bad, but since I don’t date them, I can only speak from my experience. Why is it that men always want what they can’t have, but when they can have it, they just don’t want it I asked my mystery-inducing guy what his explanation was for this sudden lack of interest, and, after he let out a big sigh, he said, “I’m not going to be the subject of another article, am I”. He went on to say that it probably had something to do with the thrill of the chase. A man who is involved with someone wants to know that he hasn’t lost his appeal to other women. Not satisfied with his response, I started asking my other guy friends about it. One told me (and I am not making this up) that it was because men are like little kids who can never fully understand what they want. <strong>The</strong> best observation came from a very close friend of mine. He said it had to do with a fear of being hurt. In his words, “You can never be hurt by something you never had.” He also pointed out that if someone is emotionally available to you, then it increases your chances of your letting them down. He’s a smart guy, so I can’t really argue with his outlook. After all, I did ask his opinion. I can see now that it’s easier to chase and long after someone, than it is to actually put the effort into having a relationship with them. We all know dating can be tough. It brings on a whole new set of responsibilities. You’re vulnerable and you have to worry about someone else’s feelings, concerns, likes, dislikes and so much more. Still, I’m told by many, that the payoff for all of this extra responsibility is definitely worth it if you find the right person and allow yourself to take a chance. Maybe the mystery will be solved or maybe it will remain one of the great wonders of the dating world. <strong>The</strong> mystery of black holes will never completely be solved. <strong>The</strong> story behind the lost city of Atlantis will still be the subject of History Channel documentaries. NASA will continue to look for life in outer space and single divas will continue to try to understand why so many men want what they can’t have and don’t want what they do have. Maybe it’s just human nature, and no, not all men or women are like this either.This is purely my opinion. And so, it is also my opinion that the belief that “they just aren’t that into us”, is simply not true. It has to be something else…and so the mystery of the dating life continues… 26 SEPTEMBER <strong>2008</strong>
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