September 2008 - The Parklander Magazine

MID: People always say that they want to find their “soul mate,” right I
don’ t know. I think it is more about meeting different people, that is the
exciting part for me. Maybe I am driven by my insecurities. I have met
people who were older than me, in different vocations, less educated, but I
find that when I pay attention to how I feel about myself, when I am out to
dinner or having coffee, it’s not as much learning about myself really, but
that I have the chance to learn about other people.
JLR: Do you have any advice to give women who are using these dating
sites or would like to become involved with them
MID: Well, I can only give you a guy’s point of view. I think if you use
email, contact many people so you can get a good sense of whom they are
and I think it’s important to be open to meeting many people. If you are
aware of how you are answering them and your correspondence through
your emails, it helps you become more conscious and introspective.
Look at what your goals are; Are you looking to casually date Have a
serious relationship Or just meet nice people There are lots of websites
out there that can help you do all of that. The websites now are very
accommodating to promote social functions for people to meet
face-to-face. It’s all great. But shop wisely.
JLR: But isn’t the Internet rather impersonal
MID: Men are very aggressive and sometimes can be vulgar— but that’s not
me. Internet dating does not give you permission to be less than a person
and anyone who acts out in that way is not going to go very far with anyone
they meet.
JLR: It used to be that you met people through friends, family and
business connections. Do you think the Internet has replaced this more
natural way of meeting people in our lives
MID: Technology is replacing the mixers of old and allows for more open
communication. You now have more immediate access to meeting people
at any hour of the day or night.
JLR: How can women have a better outcome on these sites
MID: Most people are nice and have the same concerns that you do. Give
yourself a chance to know somebody and have fun with that journey.
JLR: What about the women who want a serious partner, a more
committed relationship and don’t just want to” have fun”
MID: If you want a serious relationship or to get married right away then
maybe Internet dating is not for you. Remember, it’s not a chemistry lab;
some people might think it is, and that is what makes it dangerous. True
chemistry has to be discovered in person and you can’t go to a meeting
with someone thinking they are “the one’’. I think it’s important to get to
know many different people— that helped me. I was married for 16 years
and I want to be very careful about getting married again. My goal is not
to get married, but it could be an outcome.
Next month…a veteran woman Internet dater’s point of view.
Janet Lynn Roseman Ph.D. is a dance critic, writer and scholar. She is the
author of seven books, among them: “Dance Masters: Interviews with
Legends of the Dance”, and “Dance Was her Religion; The Sacred
Choreography of Isadora Duncan, Ruth St. Denis and Martha Graham”.
Email her at Roseman@theparklander.com, YGM
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