NAked Warrior - ZANDERBILT

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I R O N E S S A Y S maximizing results from resistance training. Thomas Hobbes once quipped, “Life is nasty, brutish and short.” I would expropriate this dictum and say “effective resistance training sessions should be nasty, brutish and short.” Some machines are not machines at all: cables and pulleys, used for lat pulldowns, cable crossovers, triceps pushdowns, etc., are not machines under my elastic definition. Cables allow you to cut your own groove through space and therefore cable exercises are exempt. Ditto dip apparatus, ditto pull-up or chin bars, ditto incline sit-up boards, power racks or prone hyperextension benches. These are devices that allow you to perform an exercise, but don’t confine you to a precise and exact pathway. Plus these devices allow for tons of technical variation. Whenever I hear some rookie complain how bored they are doing basic barbell and dumbbell exercises I just shake my head and muse about the ignorant folly of youth. George Bernard Shaw said, “Youth is wasted on the young.” And I sometimes have to agree; so please, if you are a weight trainer bored to tears doing the same old exercises in the same old way—blame yourself! You can infuse as much variety as needed into your very next free weight workout and the only thing stopping you is your imagination. Stop the clinging adherence to tired old ways and methods. Be on the continual prowl for new and better modes and methods; those who are semi-serious whine and complain, clinging to old comfortable ineffectual methods, they gaze longingly at those shiny exercise machines that beckon seductively, “Come hither! Sit on me…come lie down on me…push or pull half-heartedly…I’m just as effective as those nasty old barbells and dumbbells...Meow!” Those who allow themselves to be seduced by machines are doomed to fall asleep in the fragrant poppy field of eternal exercise sameness. Those who find ways to inject new techniques into Old School free weight exercises will bust through to the next level of physical development. The choice is yours. For complete information on Marty Gallagher’s The Purposeful Primitive, or to purchase the physical book, visit http://www.dragondoor.com/b37.html now 50
51 T H E P U R P O S E F U L P R I M I T I V E SPAWNING SEASON The Names Have Been Changed to Protect the Guilty As told to Marty Gallagher by GRILLMAN While one who sings with his tongue on fire, Gargles in the rat race choir, Bent out of shape by societies’ pliers, Cares not to come up any higher, But rather get you down in hole he’s in! —Dylan Behold the Grill Man, 6”2” 350: Gym Mullet / noun: American slang term describing a peculiar type of land-based, quad-limbed fitness enthusiast that travel in schools or herds and invades, infests and inhabits gymnasiums commencing January 2nd of each year. Weaker species of gym aquarium mullets last 2 to 14 days before disappearing while some stronger member of the species have been known to infest weight rooms for up to six weeks before evaporating back to the nether-regions. Exuding negative energy and exerting parasitical strength-sucking powers, they are genetically encoded to subvert excellence whenever confronted with it. Mullets possess zombie-like subconscious primordial urges that compel them to destroy any productive process. Psychologically, mullets are conflicted: obsessivecompulsive, underachievers cursed with inflated egos compounded by low self-esteem, a deadly psychological cocktail, as any competent psychiatrist will attest. The following is a harrowing account of one man’s encounter with “The Swarm.” His real name is disguised in order to avoid blood vendettas and legal entanglements. For complete information on Marty Gallagher’s The Purposeful Primitive, or to purchase the physical book, visit http://www.dragondoor.com/b37.html now
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Page 47 and 48: 47 T hey say that variety is the sp
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NAked Warrior - ZANDERBILT

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