NAked Warrior - ZANDERBILT

I R O N E S S A Y S
do 100 jumps on your left leg. Mother says jump in the air and touch the sky 50 times!
Mother says do 100 pushups!” Jackie’s Boot Camp enduros (“It’s the wave of the future!”)
are endless and excruciating, pure cruelty, mindless motion mistakenly labeled as effective
fitness training.
Jackie tells boot camp participants that the medicine is good for them and will transform
their pathetic physiques. She mistakes inducing fatigue and inflicting pain for triggering
transformation. Her smug assertions are ludicrous; as if repeatedly stating something
makes it true. By any measurable benchmark, Jackie and her team are weak as kittens,
technically ignorant, psychologically challenged and factually wrong at every turn. It’s the
“Emperor has no clothes” come to life. Empress Jackie struts down the boulevard proclaiming
loudly for all to hear that she and her minute minions are the grand maestros of
the art and science of physical renovation. Her grandiose posturing is groundless, her
methodology mistakes effort for success; she is the antithesis of training smart. Smart training,
for Jackie, appears to be an irresolvable contradiction in terms.
All of Jackie’s squad of incompetents masquerading as personal trainers feels the need to
touch their clients as they train. Apparently the “PT Touch” infuses clients with extra
power and strength. There appears to be a touching correlation: the better looking the
client, the more the touching occurs. The Sky Spa might be “the finest facility in the city” if
the city were perhaps Kampala, Uganda or Bear Claw in the Yukon. Being located in a city
generally considered the epicenter of worldwide body worship makes Jackie’s claim akin to
a 12 year old, 100 pound high school cheerleader proclaiming she could whip the piss out
of a 240 pound, 10 year Navy SEAL vet with two tours in Iraq under his belt.
Jackie is demonstrably lame as a personal trainer. Her technical instruction is riddled with
flaws, akin to watching a young child attempt to play Mozart’s Requiem on a violin in
front of the school assembly. Now imagine if after butchering the piece the 10 year old
strode to the front of the embarrassed (for her) audience and said, “There you go you pack
of morons! The greatest interpretation of Mozart ever heard!” Jackie unconsciously personifies
Karl Marx’s declaration that “Audacity is 99% of the battle.” If you are feeling
dreary and need a dose of laughter to cut through the quiet desperation of day to day life, I
would suggest watching Jackie and her fraud-squad of simpleton sycophants. What better
tonic than uproarious laughter to counteract life’s pain?
Watch as goofy immature girls are presented as expert personal trainers and then turned
loose to beat up or baby ignorant clients charged $300 per hour. Watch another Jackie PT,
“The Peeler” (nicknamed for his ability to “peel off fat.” Incongruously his physique is
smooth as a baby’s ass) speak in an unintentionally comedic drawl appropriate for a
Lynyrd Skynyrd roadie. He proclaims that his physical transformational abilities approximate
that of a master sculpture. “These hands are like Michelangelo!” He dramatically
For complete information on Marty Gallagher’s The Purposeful Primitive, or to
purchase the physical book, visit http://www.dragondoor.com/b37.html now
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