Sept16

september 16
5
Dan Roberts
My Stupidity Begins Again!
Roberts Rules
“Come on Rana, big smile! It’s the best
time of the year.”
As the photo shows, my Ladylove not only
disagrees with my assessment, but confirms
her belief about her “lunatic” significant
other.
I realize that (as always) she’s correct. But
like some junkie, I admit, I cannot resist this
feeling of joy – it’s football season once again.
I grew up in New York and along with my
younger brother happily remember watching
the Giants games with our dad. I always
said that the phrase, “best seats in the house”
meant sitting on the couch between them.
While I acknowledge the idiocy of my actions,
I marvel at how this football team has
directly affected my life. Without any exaggeration,
I have missed family/community
activities, refused to pick up people at the airport
(Don’t believe me? Ask travel editor/my
friend of over 40 years, Stu Cooper) purchased
cars, changed jobs and even conceived children
(don’t ask) because of the Giants.
And as Rana can confirm, our Vegas Voice
quest for guardianship reform can also be
traced to this football team. Two years ago,
after she broke her shoulder and as I played
24/7 caregiver, Rana wanted to discuss her
proposed guardianship crusade.
I had absolutely no interest in this issue,
and wanted to get away by catching the game.
Unfortunately, (and once again) the Giants
began to lose (and lose) becoming unwatchable.
Without them as my “escape excuse” I
was stuck listening to her as she went on and
on about this scandal. There we were, home
alone, and yours truly deliberately refusing to
turn on the TV in protest.
That was when Rana’s pounced on her
opportunity. She obsessively and forcefully
stressed that the guardianship system was a
disgrace (just like the Giants, I remembered
thinking) and that The Vegas Voice had to do
something.
With all the accolades we received for our
(and especially Rana’s) efforts on guardianship
reform, if the Giants had won just a few
more games that year, I’ll always wonder if
The Vegas Voice would have devoted all that
time, space and effort in reforming the law.
My Rana also (sadly) realized that I was
not kidding when I continuously told her that
my devotion to her is so absolute that I will
go anywhere, do anything she wants, anytime,
day or night – except during the game.
If she wants to go shopping so we can see
the latest fashion trends in Dillard’s or Nordstom,
or perhaps some new cosmetics at Ulta,
I’m there with a smile. But not during the Giants
game.
Believe me, we nearly had our first “disagreement”
(and that would be an understatement)
when I told her I wasn’t going to
some event since it conflicted with the game.
“You can argue, raise your voice or even
start a fight” I remarked as she asked me (for
the umpteenth time) if I would accompany
her. When my answers stayed consistent, she
thereafter (as only women can do during a
“discussion”) somehow changed the topic
and started questioning my value as her life
partner.
“Now darling,” I patiently explained as
I impatiently eyed the big screen waiting for
the game to begin. “I don’t drink, smoke,
gamble, do drugs, chase women, or pass
gas” (well, at least not in front of her).
“I always take the garbage cans to and
from the curb, empty the dishwasher and
never leave the toilet seat up. How bad can
I really be?”
To her credit (and my relief) she just smiled,
shook her head at my stupidity and walked
away. Luckily for me (and our relationship)
we never had this type of conversation again.
Are you ready for some football?
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