Covey - The 7 habits of highly effective people

Recommendations

Info

But you can't change the fruit without changing the root. Working on the attitudes and behaviors would have been hacking at the leaves. So we focused instead on producing personal and organizational excellence in an entirely different way by developing information and reward systems which reinforced the value of cooperation. Whether you are the president of a company or the janitor, the moment you step from independence into interdependence in any capacity, you step into a leadership role. You are in a position of influencing other people. And the habit of effective interpersonal leadership is Think Win-Win. Six Paradigms of Human Interaction Win-win is not a technique; it's a total philosophy of human interaction. In fact, it is one of six paradigms of interaction. The alternative paradigms are win-lose, lose-win, loselose, win, and Win-Win or No Deal TM Win-Win Win-win is a frame of mind and heart that constantly seeks mutual benefit in all human interactions. Win-win means that agreements or solutions are mutually beneficial, mutually satisfying. With a win-win solution, all parties feel good about the decision and feel committed to the action plan. Win-win sees life as a cooperative, not a competitive arena. Most people tend to think in terms of dichotomies: strong or weak, hardball or softball, win or lose. But that kind of thinking if fundamentally flawed. It's based on power and position rather than on principle. Win-win is based on the paradigm that there is plenty for everybody, that one person's success is not achieved at the expense or exclusion of the success of others. Win-win is a belief in the Third Alternative. It's not your way or my way; it's a better way, a higher way. Win-Lose One alternative to win-win is win-lose, the paradigm of the race to Bermuda. It says "If I win, you lose. In leadership style, win-lose is the authoritarian approach: "I get my way; you don't get yours." Win-lose people are prone to use position, power, credentials, possessions, or personality to get their way. Most people have been deeply scripted in the win-lose mentality since birth. First and most important of the powerful forces at work is the family. When one child is compared with another -- when patience, understanding or love is given or withdrawn on the basis of such comparisons -- people are into win-lose thinking. Whenever love is given on a conditional basis, when someone has to earn love, what's being communicated to them is that they are not intrinsically valuable or lovable. Value does not lie inside them, it lies outside. It's in comparison with somebody else or against some expectation. And what happens to a young mind and heart, highly vulnerable, highly dependent upon the support and emotional affirmation of the parents, in the face of conditional love? The child is molded, shaped, and programmed in the win-lose mentality. "If I'm better than my brother, my parents will love me more." 129
"My parents don't love me as much as they love my sister. I must not be as valuable." Another powerful scripting agency is the peer group. A child first wants acceptance from his parents and then from his peers, whether they be siblings or friends. And we all know how cruel peers sometimes can be. They often accept or reject totally on the basis of conformity to their expectations and norms, providing additional scripting toward winlose. The academic world reinforces win-lose scripting. The "normal distribution curve" basically says that you got an "A" because someone else got a "C." It interprets an individual's value by comparing him or her to everyone else. No recognition is given to intrinsic value; everyone is extrinsically defined. "Oh, how nice to see you here at our PTA meeting. You ought to be really proud of your daughter, Caroline. She's in the upper 10 percent." "That makes me feel good." "But your son, Johnny, is in trouble. He's in the lower quartile." "Really? Oh, that's terrible! What can we do about it?" What this kind of comparative information doesn't tell you is that perhaps Johnny is going on all eight cylinders while Caroline is coasting on four of her eight. But people are not graded against their potential or against the full use of their present capacity. They are graded in relation to other people. And grades are carriers of social value; they open doors of opportunity or they close them. Competition, not cooperation, lies at the core of the educational process. Cooperation, in fact, is usually associated with cheating. Another powerful programming agent is athletics, particularly for young men in their high school or college years. Often they develop the basic paradigm that life is a big game, a zero sum game where some win and some lose. "Winning" is "beating" in the athletic arena. Another agent is law. We live in a litigious society. The first thing many people think about when they get into trouble is suing someone, taking him to court, "winning" at someone else's expense. But defensive minds are neither creative nor cooperative. Certainly we need law or else society will deteriorate. It provides survival, but it doesn't create synergy. At best it results in compromise. Law is based on an adversarial concept. The recent trend of encouraging lawyers and law schools to focus on peaceable negotiation, the techniques of win-win, and the use of private courts, may not provide the ultimate solution, but it does reflect a growing awareness of the problem. Certainly there is a place for win-lose thinking in truly competitive and low-trust situations. But most of life is not a competition. We don't have to live each day competing with our spouse, our children, our co-workers, our neighbors, and our friends. "Who's winning in your marriage?" is a ridiculous question. If both people aren't winning, both are losing. Most of life is an interdependent, not an independent, reality. Most results you want depend on cooperation between you and others. And the win-lose mentality is dysfunctional to that cooperation. 130
Page 1 and 2:
THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIV
Page 3 and 4:
These principles, however, are like
Page 5 and 6:
Stephen Covey adds great value to a
Page 7 and 8:
I have a forceful personality. I kn
Page 9 and 10:
This personality ethic, I began to
Page 11 and 12:
long-term relationship they have, w
Page 13 and 14:
The professor then asked one studen
Page 15 and 16:
ingenuity, and creating a standard
Page 17 and 18:
Shortly after dark, the lookout on
Page 19 and 20:
The more closely our maps or paradi
Page 21 and 22:
So I first tried a simple request.
Page 23 and 24:
There's so much to do. And there's
Page 25 and 26:
But from my own experience -- both
Page 27 and 28:
interdependent, that there is an ec
Page 29 and 30:
Understanding the sequence will hel
Page 31 and 32:
training, the communicating, the re
Page 33 and 34:
trust, and lost the asset of custom
Page 35 and 36:
disappear. Those you teach will see
Page 37 and 38:
"You're never on time." "Why can't
Page 39 and 40:
instincts and conditioning and cond
Page 41 and 42:
such personal freedom and the effec
Page 43 and 44:
you to act. If you wait to be acted
Page 45 and 46:
"Think hard. What do you think woul
Page 47 and 48:
Because of position, wealth, role,
Page 49 and 50:
So these executives focused on find
Page 51 and 52:
We can decide to be dishonest in ou
Page 53 and 54:
Knowing that we are responsible --
Page 55 and 56:
When I look upon the tombs of the g
Page 57 and 58:
Whether we are aware of it or not,
Page 59 and 60:
Because we already live with many s
Page 61 and 62:
Succeed at home first. Seek and mer
Page 63 and 64:
so-called mental and emotional illn
Page 65 and 66:
When we are dependent on the person
Page 67 and 68:
Innocent pleasures in moderation ca
Page 69 and 70:
Because the church is a formal orga
Page 71 and 72:
If you are Money Centered... SECURI
Page 73 and 74:
WISDOM You see the world through a
Page 75 and 76:
We can depend on them Principles do
Page 77 and 78:
POWER Your power is limited only by
Page 79 and 80: Fourth, you can communicate to your
Page 81 and 82: many different kinds of thought pro
Page 83 and 84: We would try to get him in a very r
Page 85 and 86: I inspire: I teach by example that
Page 87 and 88: When we plan our family goals and a
Page 89 and 90: "Everybody," he replied. "Everybody
Page 91 and 92: Application Suggestions 1. Take the
Page 93 and 94: Management, remember, is clearly di
Page 95 and 96: with the bath water," reverting to
Page 97 and 98: was to enforce the contract -- to c
Page 99 and 100: There are many people who recognize
Page 101 and 102: Coherence: Coherence suggests that
Page 103 and 104: mission statement, you may want to
Page 105 and 106: all day. Remember, frustration is a
Page 107 and 108: it! -- Don't take it!" I was afraid
Page 109 and 110: "You, Dad?" "No, not me. You're the
Page 111 and 112: I bit my tongue and waited until af
Page 113 and 114: Application Suggestions: 1. Identif
Page 115 and 116: "Well, you'd like to take a screwdr
Page 117 and 118: And this is in the most intimate, t
Page 119 and 120: Our tendency is to project out of o
Page 121 and 122: "I thought you meant that the quali
Page 123 and 124: you are honest and open and kind wi
Page 125 and 126: When we violate the primary laws of
Page 127 and 128: deep personal affection which added
Page 129: Habit 4: Think Win-Win TM -- Princi
Page 133 and 134: I know of a divorce in which the hu
Page 135 and 136: "In other words, you lost." "That's
Page 137 and 138: worked to set up a Win-Win Agreemen
Page 139 and 140: High courage and consideration are
Page 141 and 142: communication process. You listen m
Page 143 and 144: people be able to do when they fini
Page 145 and 146: guidelines, and resources to make s
Page 147 and 148: 40. The spirit of win-win had signi
Page 149 and 150: Roger Fisher and William Ury, two H
Page 151 and 152: Habit 5: Seek First to Understand,
Page 153 and 154: and influence, I don't feel safe en
Page 155 and 156: You're listening to understand. You
Page 157 and 158: Sandra described the symptoms and h
Page 159 and 160: esults in communication. To many, s
Page 161 and 162: "I know you've sacrificed, Dad. But
Page 163 and 164: What a difference real understandin
Page 165 and 166: I remember writing one time in a ro
Page 167 and 168: trust of another person's communica
Page 169 and 170: Habit 5 is something you can practi
Page 171 and 172: Habit 6: Synergize TM Principles of
Page 173 and 174: hit-or-miss, trial and error. And u
Page 175 and 176: very open and authentic and simply
Page 177 and 178: Synergy means that 1 + 1 may equal
Page 179 and 180: arrange for some help at the first
Page 181 and 182:
"I know," he replied with a forced
Page 183 and 184:
He also developed charley horses fr
Page 185 and 186:
scheduled payments were met. It was
Page 187 and 188:
Application Suggestions 1. Think ab
Page 189 and 190:
"Sharpen the Saw" basically means e
Page 191 and 192:
If you haven't been exercising, you
Page 193 and 194:
This is why I believe a personal mi
Page 195 and 196:
centered on the principles of perso
Page 197 and 198:
diminishes us. It increases us beca
Page 199 and 200:
create negative force field resista
Page 201 and 202:
closer we align ourselves with corr
Page 203 and 204:
The children looked forward to the
Page 205 and 206:
Sandra and I were amazed at what we
Page 207 and 208:
Becoming a Transition Person Among
Page 209 and 210:
Again, T. S. Eliot expresses so bea
Page 211 and 212:
* * If your center is Pleasure... S
Page 213 and 214:
This is the way you may tend to per
Page 215 and 216:
Many third-generation time managers
Page 217 and 218:
Preparing the media budget. Regardi
Page 219:
produce interesting and creative wa
show all

Covey - The 7 habits of highly effective people

Create successful ePaper yourself

Delete template?

Save as template?